If you want to donate or volunteer for South Asia Earthquake and Tsunami...

I have no cash, I have no aids to spare, but this is the least that I can do: contribute some contact information for people who wish to donate or volunteer for Indonesian victims.

Please refer to The South-East Asia Earthquake and Tsunami, who has created an Emergency Database in Wikinews that lists any information and help for the disaster. For specific Indonesian information, please refer to Indonesia Help Blog or Aceh IT Media Center.

My condolences and prayers for those affected.

No coverage, no money

I have been watching CNN these days for updates in tsunami disaster and found that Indonesia was not widely covered in news. This struck me hard, as Aceh and Nias probably experienced the hardest hit due to its closeness to the epicenter of the earthquake (about 255 kms away).

Understandable. Aceh has been pretty much closed to the outer world due to the conflicts happening in the area. As far as I know, no foreign journalists set foot there. Our government did not allow it and their government advised them not to go there. It is therefore understandable that when the disaster hit, practically no journalists covered the first hit of the tidal wave.

Plus, the infrastructure of communication in the area is not adequate and of course practically cut out by the disaster. Until now, there is no official count on how many deaths and casualties in Indonesia, compared to the quick counts of other countries affected by the earthquake. This is especially hard considering the vast geography of Indonesia. In addition to being so vast, aids are not easily delivered because, again, we have no advanced communication and transportation means. I'm particularly concerned with small tiny islands of Nias because with the severity of the disaster, it is possible that those islands were simply wiped out from the map and no survivors could tell the numbers and the horror of the tragedy.

Speculations of the media are flying: where's the warning system? why didn't they set it up? why the aids are not readily available? where's the assistance system? Oh well, Mr. and Ms. know-it-all, our country is poor. If there is any money left (which in our case, never happened), we need it to feed and clothe and educate and support the other 200 million something of our people. A warning system might cost only a few million US dollars, but unfortunately we just don't have it. We're poor. We're broke. Simply that.

In my previous post, I sounded like I was blaming God for this disaster. Well, no. Probably it's just a reflection of my inability as a human being to deal with the situation. Probably it's just because I'm tired of what has been happening in Aceh (which our government failed to solve the conflicts and to meet the demands of Acehnese). Therefore I'm looking for a way to explain this whole situation. But, simply put, there is no way to explain this.

What matters is what to do to help, to aid, to assist the people affected by the tsunami. Well, I have one complaint again really. Indonesia should receive more aids because the fact is our area suffer the most of the tidal waves. Oh, No, I should quit complaining for the thing that I have no power to change. The prayer remains: God gives, God takes.....

Natural Disaster or God's warning?

Probably God thought, I'm bored with these human beings killing each other in Aceh.

Maybe God thought, I'm bored of practically no fun thing in this heaven.

Perhaps God thought, I need to give a little of lesson to weak human beings.

And then, the earthquake hit. hard. no escape. 9.0 scale richter. 10 meter high tidal wave tsunami. December 26. A day after Christmas. 8 o'clock in the morning in Sumatra.

For whatever reasons, I don't know, tsunami hit, came unnotice, brought many miseries, took thousand of lives, and then simply disappeared.

Is God a loving creature? Is God a kid playing tricks? Is God a wise figure? I have no say in this. I don't want to blame. God is so powerful that human mind is simply too weak to understand. What matters is what human being can do to help each other. It is time to start thinking of what I can do for other beings locally and globally. We're in this trouble together and I believe there is only one way to do this: unite.

Here in Ames, my mind goes to Aceh, Nias, Srilanka, Thailand, India, Somalia, to piles of bodies laying helpless on the ground.

God gives, God takes....my deepest sympathy to those who suffer from this disaster. Only to God we surrender our fate...

To Monica, Emily at IIE, Vadim, Raul, Patricio, Moises: thanks for your concerns. My family is safe and sound back home, but I still grief for my country.

Ketika sendiri
adalah teman
tak tertolak
apa jawabmu?

Cintailah kesendirian
itu karena
begitu kesadaran
itu tiba akan
ketidakberdayaan
mengubah hati
kau akan
terhempas
di karang-karang
kedangkalan hati
yang ternyata
menebar perih.

Kesendirian adalah
introspeksi akan
citra diri sendiri
ketika dunia
tak memberi tempat
untuk menyandarkan
hati.

Ternyata
segala ini adalah
fana dan
tiada.
Hari lalu
berarti
Hari esok
pergi.

Dia juga fana.
Dia juga tiada.
Pada akhirnya
sendirilah si sobat
sejati, meski
perih menukik.

(Tidakkah dia rasa
mengapa sepi ini
menggigit melebihi
gigilnya salju musim ini?)

For a bestfriend who left wounded... Leave me, if you feel so. The door is always open if you want to come back. I don't think you'll come back anyway...

Result of Fall semester...the price of being a proscrastinator?

Good results for Fall semester. Still keep the excellent GPA. Still one course in question though, the professor has not changed my Incomplete grade to a full grade. I've sent her email, asking what is the problem. I also checked with my practicum mate, and she said that the prof thought we did an interesting job. She got A for it, so I guess I should get some similar grade too. Hopefully.

Honestly, I don't believe I'm that good with school. I mean, I'm the procrastinator, I'm the lay back student, I'm the last minute student. But, the fact is, I still have the excellent GPA. Am I that good? Do I really deserve an A? I don't know. I guess my 'packaging' of the idea was not good. I always had problems with my language, grammar. Yet, my ideas seemed always work. I know that if I didn't wait until the very last minute for doing my papers I could always check my grammar and my language, but hell no, of course I didn't have time to check again.

I'm not sure if I can get an A for my thesis. I haven't done a thing about it. Again, the lazy Neny is just waiting for the last minute to get the adrenaline rush. Wish me luck!

Pikneg = Pikiran Negatif

Lagi2 baca blog yg agak2 'menyentil' ego. Perasaan negatif saya sih, ini blog bener-bener narsis, pamer, dan hedonis. Tapi ya masak iya sih, blog ini pamer doang? Atau mungkin saya lagi dilanda rasa iri? Karena nggak bisa bikin pencapaian yg macam itu? Atau saya mungkin sedang diliputi rasa rendah diri? Karena dari kemarin cuman gini-gini doang dan gak bisa bikin hal-hal yg bikin orang berkomentar penuh sanjungan.

Harus mulai mawas diri nih....

Satu hari di kehidupan Neny selama liburan...

Minggu kedua hari kedua liburan semester Fall alias Christmas break.

Bangun jam 9, telpon Yudi. Yudi capek, jadi gak ngobrol lama.

Bangun jam 10, ditelpon Yudi. Yudi mo ngobrol, tapi masih capek, dan aku masih ngantuk (semalem begadang telpon-telponan ke kampus Salatiga), jadi gak jadi ngobrol lama.

Bangun jam 12.41, karena badan udah minta bangun aja sih. Langsung telpon T-mobile, inget tagihan belum datang. Bakal dikirim ulang, semoga gak telat bayar.

Sambil telpon T-mobile, nyalain laptop. Buka email, satu account kampus, satu account yahoo. Dapat email dari profesor, surat rekomendasi udah jadi. Approve email ke mailing list alumni di Yahoo! Groups. Delete, delete, delete.

Cek account langganan buku di The Literary Guild, celaka, gak pesen kok dikirimi buku, gak pernah aku terima lagi, bikin email komplain. Satu-satunya cara yg manjur di Amrik ini, begitu gak suka, langsung komplain!!!!

Baru inget, tgl 22 ini ya? Nilai semester Fall harusnya dah keluar. Masuk ke AccessPlus. Weits, Grades are temporarily unavailable. Banyak yg gak sabar liat nilai rupanya sampai server kewalahan. Coba lagi entar. Baru nyadar. Bahaya nih, kalau santai-santai dan gak panik gini biasanya nilai jeblok. Ini kebiasaan dari jaman SD. Jadi panik!

Cek blog, ada pesan dari Nana, bales pesennya. Liat-liat komen di HaloScan, menjelajah featurenya, tapi gak bikin perubahan apa-apa.

Trus ngeblog ini.

Abis ini ngapain ya? Rencana besarnya sih mau mulai nulis Statement Of Purpose utk lamaran ke Ph.D. Sama mau mulai nulis proposal thesis. Sama mau mulai ngerjain bahan presentasi konferensi TESOL di San Antonio, Texas. Rencana besar. Paling-paling jadinya main Yahoo! Games. Paling-paling jadinya telpon-telponan. Paling-paling jadinya baca novel. Rencana besar. Rencana besar apa?

Kok sepi gini ya?

Mo telpon Yudi, ini udah dini hari di Indo, lagian dia lagi capek banget (dan seneng banget karena backpack gunung REI yg aku titipin Lavin dah sampe dgn selamat. Thanks, Lavin!) . Mo telpon Tyas, dari hari Senin telponku gak pernah diangkat (Ada sesuatu yg salah, ada sesuatu yg mengganjal, tapi aku tak pasti...). Mo telpon siapa lagi ya?

Sendiri, sepi, salju. Kombinasi mematikan.

Perutku keroncongan. Aha! Aku tahu apa yg harus kulakukan selanjutnya: makan.

Abis itu?

.................

Me, officially a professor?

Called my campus back home today and found out that my employment status is now a permanent professor. What the h**l? A permanent professor?

Oh well, this is a good news. At least my status is now elevated to the level that it is difficult to fire me. Before coming to US, my status was a temporary professor, among those who were indispensable. It was really easy to fire me, because my contract was only for a year and needed to be renewed each year. It all depended on the need of the department in meeting the ratio between number of professors and students. I guess after my paperwork to the Regional Office of Higher Education Directorate was accepted and I received the position of assistant professor according to the law, my campus automatically adjusted my position. Meaning salary raise. Meaning benefits.

The trouble that I face now is that they expect me to come back to Indonesia, as soon as I complete my Master. And of course, it will hamper my plan for Ph.D. I can always do Ph.D. later, but I want it now, while it is easier for me to get accepted.

Oh well, let me do the talk and see if it works.

Winter is here...

Snowing again...starting yesterday...minus 15 degree celcius....hate going out in the wilderness of coldness!

Yup, my opinion about snow has not changed from last year: it looks beautiful, but it doesn't feel beautiful. A friend tried very hard to convince me that snow is fun, but it just doesn't work. I'm a tropical girl and snow is not my thing.

But really, it's something in the upbringing of individuals. I, who was grown up in a tropical paradise, warm and sunny the whole year, of course I will find winter annoying. Imagine: the numbness of my fingers and face because of the coldness; the hassle of coat, scarf, hat, mittens, boots; the slippery roads; the depressing scenery of trees and lots of others, and tons of complaints. But for my friend, who was originally from Russia (way, way, way much colder than Iowa), winter is the favorite time of the year: the freshness of the air; the fun winter games of skiing, skating, and hockey; and other merriments and tons of joy. See, how different we view the same thing.

Anyhow, winter is officially here. And I'm stuck in Ames Iowa during the Christmas break. Fun? I don't think so. Except if you find regular meal followed by ice cream, videos, novels, computer games, visits to bookshops and cinemas absolutely fun *of course, this is my way of cynically saying that it is not fun*. I think in a way spending my break in Ames is sort of fun, not on the activities, but more on the freedom of doing what I want, without worrying too much if I can meet the deadlines of paper or assignment submissions. THAT is FUN.

Still I envy Monica, Moises, Maja, Chris, Pam, Cristian, Lavin, Ching Hui, Kurie, Evi, Michael, Raymond, Refina, for being able to go far, far away from Ames, Iowa; even to a warmer place, to spend this break.

Have fun, Guys! I'll manage to have some fun here.

BTW, I'm invited to a Christmas lunch and dinner this weekend by the Hertz. Hopefully it will bring a little spark in my boring routine.

The view of ISU Central Campus. Believe me, it's freezing cold walking down to Beardshear Hall!

The sky and the branch is so depressing....

On the Definition of "Friend"

Does anyone know what the definition of friend is?

I'm sort of thinking about the word and how it entails the many aspects of my life. Like social life. Like venting feelings. Like assistance. Like dependency. Like assurance. Like long lasting bonding. Hmm, I'm seriously thinking if it also entails my existence in this only earth, my self-image, and my self-confidence.

You see, I'm very nervous about what others think of me. I hate being hated. I hate being ignored. Attention Deficit, that's me. I like being the center of attention. And having no friends is like the end of the world. Period.

Back to the definition of friend, dictionary.com defines in 3 (three) definitions. That much for a simple word:

1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

First definition, hmm, now the like and trust part is the one that I'm worried about. Certainly most of the time I feel that I'm not likeable or trustable. Will my friends consider me as a friend who is likeable and trustable? I don't think so.

I obviously have no problem with the second definition. I mean, oh yeah, people know me. Yet, I'm not sure if I just want to be known. I need to elevate the level of acquintance into a higher level, like in the first definition. The problem is, will I be capable of being likeable and trustable. Likeable, maybe, but trustable? Last month a friend (or should I say an acquintance) commented that I gave too many empty promises. Often times, I could not fulfill my promises. Of course, I should refer the comment she made to the context of our conversation. Still, it stung and it hurt a bit. Am I really not that trustable?

A comrade, the third definition, a person with whom we struggle together for a cause. I can categorize my classmates as my comrades, a.k.a. friends. I can also put my Fulbright fellows as friends, because we share many idealism and we fought for getting the scholarship. Probably, this definition is more on the realm of idealism, ideas, thoughts, opinions, rather than in private area, like in the first definition.

Looking back to these definitions, I think the difference lies in the realms in which such relationship with the person occurs. If the private area is what one seeks, then s/he has to fulfill the like and trust criteria. In ideas level, the third definition is more applicable. If no feelings attached, the second will work best.

I don't know. I'm all confused. I guess at this very moment, I do seek a friend whom I like and trust. I do have some friends who are more like comrades. And of course, hundreds of acquintances under my waist. From my point of view, I do have those kinds of friends. I call many of them my friends. But the twist is from others' point of view: will I be able to be a friend, a truly friend whom one can know, like, trust, and share ideas?

I doubt it.

Photos and more photos..

Just in case you want to see my latest face, please go to here. I posted the pictures of Jana's wedding and rehearsal dinner, my trip to Minneapolis and ISU tour with Jana and Pieter's friends, as well as the final party for my practicum class with Jung-Ah and Ching Hui.

As for work, not near completion yet...gosh...