Wednesday, December 29, 2004

If you want to donate or volunteer for South Asia Earthquake and Tsunami...

I have no cash, I have no aids to spare, but this is the least that I can do: contribute some contact information for people who wish to donate or volunteer for Indonesian victims.

Please refer to The South-East Asia Earthquake and Tsunami, who has created an Emergency Database in Wikinews that lists any information and help for the disaster. For specific Indonesian information, please refer to Indonesia Help Blog or Aceh IT Media Center.

My condolences and prayers for those affected.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

No coverage, no money

I have been watching CNN these days for updates in tsunami disaster and found that Indonesia was not widely covered in news. This struck me hard, as Aceh and Nias probably experienced the hardest hit due to its closeness to the epicenter of the earthquake (about 255 kms away).

Understandable. Aceh has been pretty much closed to the outer world due to the conflicts happening in the area. As far as I know, no foreign journalists set foot there. Our government did not allow it and their government advised them not to go there. It is therefore understandable that when the disaster hit, practically no journalists covered the first hit of the tidal wave.

Plus, the infrastructure of communication in the area is not adequate and of course practically cut out by the disaster. Until now, there is no official count on how many deaths and casualties in Indonesia, compared to the quick counts of other countries affected by the earthquake. This is especially hard considering the vast geography of Indonesia. In addition to being so vast, aids are not easily delivered because, again, we have no advanced communication and transportation means. I'm particularly concerned with small tiny islands of Nias because with the severity of the disaster, it is possible that those islands were simply wiped out from the map and no survivors could tell the numbers and the horror of the tragedy.

Speculations of the media are flying: where's the warning system? why didn't they set it up? why the aids are not readily available? where's the assistance system? Oh well, Mr. and Ms. know-it-all, our country is poor. If there is any money left (which in our case, never happened), we need it to feed and clothe and educate and support the other 200 million something of our people. A warning system might cost only a few million US dollars, but unfortunately we just don't have it. We're poor. We're broke. Simply that.

In my previous post, I sounded like I was blaming God for this disaster. Well, no. Probably it's just a reflection of my inability as a human being to deal with the situation. Probably it's just because I'm tired of what has been happening in Aceh (which our government failed to solve the conflicts and to meet the demands of Acehnese). Therefore I'm looking for a way to explain this whole situation. But, simply put, there is no way to explain this.

What matters is what to do to help, to aid, to assist the people affected by the tsunami. Well, I have one complaint again really. Indonesia should receive more aids because the fact is our area suffer the most of the tidal waves. Oh, No, I should quit complaining for the thing that I have no power to change. The prayer remains: God gives, God takes.....

Monday, December 27, 2004

Natural Disaster or God's warning?

Probably God thought, I'm bored with these human beings killing each other in Aceh.

Maybe God thought, I'm bored of practically no fun thing in this heaven.

Perhaps God thought, I need to give a little of lesson to weak human beings.

And then, the earthquake hit. hard. no escape. 9.0 scale richter. 10 meter high tidal wave tsunami. December 26. A day after Christmas. 8 o'clock in the morning in Sumatra.

For whatever reasons, I don't know, tsunami hit, came unnotice, brought many miseries, took thousand of lives, and then simply disappeared.

Is God a loving creature? Is God a kid playing tricks? Is God a wise figure? I have no say in this. I don't want to blame. God is so powerful that human mind is simply too weak to understand. What matters is what human being can do to help each other. It is time to start thinking of what I can do for other beings locally and globally. We're in this trouble together and I believe there is only one way to do this: unite.

Here in Ames, my mind goes to Aceh, Nias, Srilanka, Thailand, India, Somalia, to piles of bodies laying helpless on the ground.

God gives, God takes....my deepest sympathy to those who suffer from this disaster. Only to God we surrender our fate...

To Monica, Emily at IIE, Vadim, Raul, Patricio, Moises: thanks for your concerns. My family is safe and sound back home, but I still grief for my country.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Ketika sendiri
adalah teman
tak tertolak
apa jawabmu?

Cintailah kesendirian
itu karena
begitu kesadaran
itu tiba akan
ketidakberdayaan
mengubah hati
kau akan
terhempas
di karang-karang
kedangkalan hati
yang ternyata
menebar perih.

Kesendirian adalah
introspeksi akan
citra diri sendiri
ketika dunia
tak memberi tempat
untuk menyandarkan
hati.

Ternyata
segala ini adalah
fana dan
tiada.
Hari lalu
berarti
Hari esok
pergi.

Dia juga fana.
Dia juga tiada.
Pada akhirnya
sendirilah si sobat
sejati, meski
perih menukik.

(Tidakkah dia rasa
mengapa sepi ini
menggigit melebihi
gigilnya salju musim ini?)

For a bestfriend who left wounded... Leave me, if you feel so. The door is always open if you want to come back. I don't think you'll come back anyway...

Result of Fall semester...the price of being a proscrastinator?

Good results for Fall semester. Still keep the excellent GPA. Still one course in question though, the professor has not changed my Incomplete grade to a full grade. I've sent her email, asking what is the problem. I also checked with my practicum mate, and she said that the prof thought we did an interesting job. She got A for it, so I guess I should get some similar grade too. Hopefully.

Honestly, I don't believe I'm that good with school. I mean, I'm the procrastinator, I'm the lay back student, I'm the last minute student. But, the fact is, I still have the excellent GPA. Am I that good? Do I really deserve an A? I don't know. I guess my 'packaging' of the idea was not good. I always had problems with my language, grammar. Yet, my ideas seemed always work. I know that if I didn't wait until the very last minute for doing my papers I could always check my grammar and my language, but hell no, of course I didn't have time to check again.

I'm not sure if I can get an A for my thesis. I haven't done a thing about it. Again, the lazy Neny is just waiting for the last minute to get the adrenaline rush. Wish me luck!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Pikneg = Pikiran Negatif

Lagi2 baca blog yg agak2 'menyentil' ego. Perasaan negatif saya sih, ini blog bener-bener narsis, pamer, dan hedonis. Tapi ya masak iya sih, blog ini pamer doang? Atau mungkin saya lagi dilanda rasa iri? Karena nggak bisa bikin pencapaian yg macam itu? Atau saya mungkin sedang diliputi rasa rendah diri? Karena dari kemarin cuman gini-gini doang dan gak bisa bikin hal-hal yg bikin orang berkomentar penuh sanjungan.

Harus mulai mawas diri nih....

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Satu hari di kehidupan Neny selama liburan...

Minggu kedua hari kedua liburan semester Fall alias Christmas break.

Bangun jam 9, telpon Yudi. Yudi capek, jadi gak ngobrol lama.

Bangun jam 10, ditelpon Yudi. Yudi mo ngobrol, tapi masih capek, dan aku masih ngantuk (semalem begadang telpon-telponan ke kampus Salatiga), jadi gak jadi ngobrol lama.

Bangun jam 12.41, karena badan udah minta bangun aja sih. Langsung telpon T-mobile, inget tagihan belum datang. Bakal dikirim ulang, semoga gak telat bayar.

Sambil telpon T-mobile, nyalain laptop. Buka email, satu account kampus, satu account yahoo. Dapat email dari profesor, surat rekomendasi udah jadi. Approve email ke mailing list alumni di Yahoo! Groups. Delete, delete, delete.

Cek account langganan buku di The Literary Guild, celaka, gak pesen kok dikirimi buku, gak pernah aku terima lagi, bikin email komplain. Satu-satunya cara yg manjur di Amrik ini, begitu gak suka, langsung komplain!!!!

Baru inget, tgl 22 ini ya? Nilai semester Fall harusnya dah keluar. Masuk ke AccessPlus. Weits, Grades are temporarily unavailable. Banyak yg gak sabar liat nilai rupanya sampai server kewalahan. Coba lagi entar. Baru nyadar. Bahaya nih, kalau santai-santai dan gak panik gini biasanya nilai jeblok. Ini kebiasaan dari jaman SD. Jadi panik!

Cek blog, ada pesan dari Nana, bales pesennya. Liat-liat komen di HaloScan, menjelajah featurenya, tapi gak bikin perubahan apa-apa.

Trus ngeblog ini.

Abis ini ngapain ya? Rencana besarnya sih mau mulai nulis Statement Of Purpose utk lamaran ke Ph.D. Sama mau mulai nulis proposal thesis. Sama mau mulai ngerjain bahan presentasi konferensi TESOL di San Antonio, Texas. Rencana besar. Paling-paling jadinya main Yahoo! Games. Paling-paling jadinya telpon-telponan. Paling-paling jadinya baca novel. Rencana besar. Rencana besar apa?

Kok sepi gini ya?

Mo telpon Yudi, ini udah dini hari di Indo, lagian dia lagi capek banget (dan seneng banget karena backpack gunung REI yg aku titipin Lavin dah sampe dgn selamat. Thanks, Lavin!) . Mo telpon Tyas, dari hari Senin telponku gak pernah diangkat (Ada sesuatu yg salah, ada sesuatu yg mengganjal, tapi aku tak pasti...). Mo telpon siapa lagi ya?

Sendiri, sepi, salju. Kombinasi mematikan.

Perutku keroncongan. Aha! Aku tahu apa yg harus kulakukan selanjutnya: makan.

Abis itu?

.................

Me, officially a professor?

Called my campus back home today and found out that my employment status is now a permanent professor. What the h**l? A permanent professor?

Oh well, this is a good news. At least my status is now elevated to the level that it is difficult to fire me. Before coming to US, my status was a temporary professor, among those who were indispensable. It was really easy to fire me, because my contract was only for a year and needed to be renewed each year. It all depended on the need of the department in meeting the ratio between number of professors and students. I guess after my paperwork to the Regional Office of Higher Education Directorate was accepted and I received the position of assistant professor according to the law, my campus automatically adjusted my position. Meaning salary raise. Meaning benefits.

The trouble that I face now is that they expect me to come back to Indonesia, as soon as I complete my Master. And of course, it will hamper my plan for Ph.D. I can always do Ph.D. later, but I want it now, while it is easier for me to get accepted.

Oh well, let me do the talk and see if it works.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Winter is here...

Snowing again...starting yesterday...minus 15 degree celcius....hate going out in the wilderness of coldness!

Yup, my opinion about snow has not changed from last year: it looks beautiful, but it doesn't feel beautiful. A friend tried very hard to convince me that snow is fun, but it just doesn't work. I'm a tropical girl and snow is not my thing.

But really, it's something in the upbringing of individuals. I, who was grown up in a tropical paradise, warm and sunny the whole year, of course I will find winter annoying. Imagine: the numbness of my fingers and face because of the coldness; the hassle of coat, scarf, hat, mittens, boots; the slippery roads; the depressing scenery of trees and lots of others, and tons of complaints. But for my friend, who was originally from Russia (way, way, way much colder than Iowa), winter is the favorite time of the year: the freshness of the air; the fun winter games of skiing, skating, and hockey; and other merriments and tons of joy. See, how different we view the same thing.

Anyhow, winter is officially here. And I'm stuck in Ames Iowa during the Christmas break. Fun? I don't think so. Except if you find regular meal followed by ice cream, videos, novels, computer games, visits to bookshops and cinemas absolutely fun *of course, this is my way of cynically saying that it is not fun*. I think in a way spending my break in Ames is sort of fun, not on the activities, but more on the freedom of doing what I want, without worrying too much if I can meet the deadlines of paper or assignment submissions. THAT is FUN.

Still I envy Monica, Moises, Maja, Chris, Pam, Cristian, Lavin, Ching Hui, Kurie, Evi, Michael, Raymond, Refina, for being able to go far, far away from Ames, Iowa; even to a warmer place, to spend this break.

Have fun, Guys! I'll manage to have some fun here.

BTW, I'm invited to a Christmas lunch and dinner this weekend by the Hertz. Hopefully it will bring a little spark in my boring routine.

The view of ISU Central Campus. Believe me, it's freezing cold walking down to Beardshear Hall! Posted by Hello

The sky and the branch is so depressing.... Posted by Hello

Monday, December 20, 2004

On the Definition of "Friend"

Does anyone know what the definition of friend is?

I'm sort of thinking about the word and how it entails the many aspects of my life. Like social life. Like venting feelings. Like assistance. Like dependency. Like assurance. Like long lasting bonding. Hmm, I'm seriously thinking if it also entails my existence in this only earth, my self-image, and my self-confidence.

You see, I'm very nervous about what others think of me. I hate being hated. I hate being ignored. Attention Deficit, that's me. I like being the center of attention. And having no friends is like the end of the world. Period.

Back to the definition of friend, dictionary.com defines in 3 (three) definitions. That much for a simple word:

1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

First definition, hmm, now the like and trust part is the one that I'm worried about. Certainly most of the time I feel that I'm not likeable or trustable. Will my friends consider me as a friend who is likeable and trustable? I don't think so.

I obviously have no problem with the second definition. I mean, oh yeah, people know me. Yet, I'm not sure if I just want to be known. I need to elevate the level of acquintance into a higher level, like in the first definition. The problem is, will I be capable of being likeable and trustable. Likeable, maybe, but trustable? Last month a friend (or should I say an acquintance) commented that I gave too many empty promises. Often times, I could not fulfill my promises. Of course, I should refer the comment she made to the context of our conversation. Still, it stung and it hurt a bit. Am I really not that trustable?

A comrade, the third definition, a person with whom we struggle together for a cause. I can categorize my classmates as my comrades, a.k.a. friends. I can also put my Fulbright fellows as friends, because we share many idealism and we fought for getting the scholarship. Probably, this definition is more on the realm of idealism, ideas, thoughts, opinions, rather than in private area, like in the first definition.

Looking back to these definitions, I think the difference lies in the realms in which such relationship with the person occurs. If the private area is what one seeks, then s/he has to fulfill the like and trust criteria. In ideas level, the third definition is more applicable. If no feelings attached, the second will work best.

I don't know. I'm all confused. I guess at this very moment, I do seek a friend whom I like and trust. I do have some friends who are more like comrades. And of course, hundreds of acquintances under my waist. From my point of view, I do have those kinds of friends. I call many of them my friends. But the twist is from others' point of view: will I be able to be a friend, a truly friend whom one can know, like, trust, and share ideas?

I doubt it.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Photos and more photos..

Just in case you want to see my latest face, please go to here. I posted the pictures of Jana's wedding and rehearsal dinner, my trip to Minneapolis and ISU tour with Jana and Pieter's friends, as well as the final party for my practicum class with Jung-Ah and Ching Hui.

As for work, not near completion yet...gosh...

Friday, November 26, 2004

Thanksgiving weekend

Oh well, break is not a break after all. This weekend starting on Thursday, I'm deeply involved in Jana's and Pieter's wedding preparation. Here's a quick list of my part:

Thursday : Thanksgiving lunch with Vaughn family (this is Jana's great grandparent), song practice
Friday: Campus tour (to Pieter's friends from D.C), rehearsal dinner at Bali Satay
Saturday: Wedding ceremony and reception (I'll be the song leader, poem reader, and personal attendant)

Got to run, another tour to do!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Tuesday in Thanksgiving is .... talking about my own country

So...here's the second day of thanksgiving break? Me? Doing my assignments? Nooooooo....not me :P

As usual, every break that I have so far in the US, be it Thanksgiving or Spring break, I am always involved in International Friendship Fair by YWCA. In this program, we visit elementary schools around Ames, to talk about our country. I, being a very gooooooooddddd ambassador of my country Indonesia and as a very highly motivated Fulbrighter, will not miss any chances to present my country!

Today, I woke up at 6 AM *which is verrrrryyyyyy earlyyyyyyy in this cold morning of Iowan Fall*, called Yudi *kind of giving a report of where I'm going to do today*, and got ready. I have prepared a poster with various postcards depicting Indonesian sceneries, two CDs of Indonesian traditional music, a batik material, a Sumba scarf, four shadow puppets characters *Bima, Arjuna, Semar and Anoman*, and a big map of Indonesia. And off I went!

We went to Franklin elementary school in Boone, Iowa. Boone is 30 miles West of Ames and it took about 30 minutes to the school. We rode a yellow school bus. Yes! A school bus! First time for me and for most of us! There were eleven countries present: Canada, Costarica, Nepal, Indonesia, Peru, Uruguay, India, Jordan, Latvia, Spain and Ecuador. The school itself is a 400-students school consisting of 3, 4 and 5 grades. I was scheduled to give a 30 minutes presentation to five 5 graders.

Of course, I talked about the 13,000 islands that we have, 300 something languages that we speak, the puppet shadow, the school system, the weather and my favorite one: playing elephant, human and ant finger game! *it's like paper, rock and scissor here*.

Fun, fun, fun...I always love doing IFF and I definitely will do it again in Spring!

Friday, November 19, 2004

Assignments and stuffs

To do list:

1/ English 517 Annotated Bibliography --- 15 readings and summaries!
2/ English 516 Final project --- The different use of "under" and "below" from the perspective of Corpus-based Grammar and Functional Systemic Grammar
3/ English 528 Final Project --- English for Mexican Restaurant Waiters
4/ English 588 --- Practicum Final Report, Reflections, and Portfolio
5/ Thesis --- Proposal, POS forms
6/ PhD Application --- Statement of Purpose, Research Proposal, documents (meaning contacting Indonesia, professors, etc)
7/ TESOL conference --- Case Study, Paper, Presentation
8/ TESOL Electronic Village Seminars --- Proposal
9/ Women around the World Panel Discussion --- Presentation
10/ Permias --- Ideas for Indo Night Event
11/ Fulbright Association --- Contact National Association, Fulbright alumni
12/ others??????

Thanksgiving break??? Do I have thanksgiving break??? Help!!!!

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Lebaran di Ames....

OK, apakah bedanya lebaran di Amerika Serikat dengan lebaran di Indonesia?

1/ Sholat Ied
Saya mengikuti sholat ied di masjid Darul Arqum di kota Ames dan tentu saja tidak ada yg namanya sholat di lapangan! Pasalnya, bulan ini sudah memasuki musim gugur dan bahkan sudah hampir musim dingin. Jadi...kalau harus sholat di lapangan para jemaah akan jadi es batu dengan sukses! (suhunya nih sekitar 4-7 derajat Celcius) Makanya, kami sholat ied di dalam masjid dan sholat dimulai jam 8.45 pagi! Eng, ing, eng...padahal kalau di Indonesia biasanya sholat sudah dimulai jam 7 pagi. Maklum, di sini kayaknya jam saya jadi muter-muter gak karuan karena harus menyesuaikan jam berapa matahari terbit dan tenggelam.

Jemaah sholat juga bermacam-macam alias internasional. Ada yg dari Pakistan dan pake baju sari warna-warni. Ada yg dari negara-negara Afrika dengan jilbab yang aduhai cantiknya. Ada yg dari negara-negara Timur tengah dengan jubah panjang-panjang. Dan ada juga yg 'nyempil' dari Indonesia, pakai baju koko dan kopiah!

Sehabis acara sholat ied, biasanya kalau di Indonesia saya akan langsung ngabur pulang mencari ketupat dan opor ayam, tapi di Ames, kami bisa makan kue donat dan juice jeruk yang disediakan oleh masjid. Yum! *tapi masih kangen ketupattttttt*

2/ Kumpul-kumpul
Yang namanya lebaran, pasti identik dengan kumpul-kumpul. Nah, di Ames ini, sehabis dari masjid, komunitas Indonesia juga bikin acara kumpul-kumpul dan makan-makan. Kalau di Indonesia (atau di Salatiga, tempat kelahiran saya), makanannya pasti gak jauh-jauh dari menu ketupat, opor ayam dan sambel goreng.

Di Ames? Ketupat sih ada, tapi bikinnya nggak pake janur, karena di Ames sini (yg fyi di Iowa, di tengah-tengah Amerika, jauh dari pantai) nggak ada daun janur! Ketupat harus dibikin dengan cara yang kreatif, alias pake kantong plastik! Plus opor ayam, tidak perlu bikin dari bumbu-bumbu dasar soalnya susah nyari bumbunya. Kami memanfaatkan tehnologi bumbu jadi! Hidup bumbu cap Bamboe!!!! Selain opor ayam, ada juga yg bikin semur, rendang, sampai risoles, kue kastengel, dan krupuk udang. Pokoknya, asal menunya Indonesia, menu lebaran kami cukup bervariasi. Hmm, jadi kangen rumah!

3/ Abis kumpul-kumpul
Di Indonesia, biasanya ada tradisi pergi ke makam atau pergi ke rumah tetangga (untuk bermaaf-maafan, atau mengganyang lebih banyak makanan, hueheheh). Di sini? Hmm, sehabis kumpul-kumpul, saya balik ke apartment, mulai meneruskan kerjaan saya yang masih bertumpuk! Hiks..hiks...

Apapun bentuk lebarannya, yang pasti saya selalu lebih kangen lebaran di Indonesia. Suasananya, makanannya, semua lebih terasa berarti kalau saya ada di Indonesia, bersama keluarga besar saya. Tapi...yang penting intinya lebaran adalah merayakan hari kemenangan setelah sebulan penuh berpuasa dan saling bermaaf-maafan dengan orang-orang terdekat kita. Jadi bersama posting ini, di mana pun Anda, ijinkan saya meminta maaf atas segala kesalahan yang telah saya perbuat baik sengaja mau pun tidak disengaja.

Selamat Idul Fitri!

Yudi, Jalu, selamat idul fitri, sayangku! Maafkan Ibu yg jauh dari kalian di saat-saat penting untuk keluarga kita....

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Yudi sakit

When
you're
lying
helpless
in
sickness
I wish
to stretch
my wings
and comfort
you
in
my
thoughts.

If only....

Monday, November 08, 2004

Friday performance: awesome!

Oh well, did I always say that I love performing with my band! Yeah, our band rocks!

We did International Dance, Food and Fashion on Friday evening and it was really good! I did a fashion show. Unbelievable! I am always a tomboy girl and I felt so awkward of walking on the runway like a professional model! Geesss! But the crowd went crazy, probably because most of the my friends, classmates and students were among the crowd and they never saw me that beautiful *narcistic mode ON!*

We performed two medleys of Indonesian traditional songs: Paris Barantai + Ampar-Ampar Pisang and Suwe Ora Jamu + Gundul-Gundul Pacul + Cublak-Cublak Suweng and one Indonesian pop song: Melompat Lebih Tinggi by Sheila on 7. As usual, I always tried to communicate with the crowd *which was a missing point throughout the show, as the MC did not really communicate with the audience and of course in dance performance they merely performed*. I did crazy jumping around with the song, taught the crowd how to say "pisang" *"OK, I'm going to teach you an Indonesian word. Everybody repeat after me 'pisang'!" and the crowd obediently said the word "Good work, you're officially accepted in Indonesian community!"*, and the crowd went mad! :D

After the night was over, I received at least a dozen of congratulations. One guy even asked "are you the girl who was singing? That was cool!" *wadowwwwww...kepala jadi gede!* And people commented on the kain that I was wearing as being exotic and unique. Well, I'm proud to be an Indonesian that night and I will always be!

More on the coverage of the night by Iowa State Daily here.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

My son is so cute!

Yes, you can sense that I'm always a proud mother of my son Jalu! :P

We chatted last night for an hour through webcam and he's so cuteeeeee....He showed me that he knows how to count with his fingers. Smart kid! And he continually said "yes, Ibu *Ibu means Mom*" just like an adult hanging on to conversation. And he showed his favorite face, grinning. Hihihihihi...I love you, Jalu!

This morning, when I called again, he told me "Ibu, I saw you on the computer earlier!" Man...it was awesome feeling that he remembered me. Then he gave the phone to his dad, saying "Ayah, it's Ibu on the phone." He's surely growing up before my eyes.

I miss him terribly!!!!!

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Photo session in Central Campus

OK, I guess I'm not satisfied with my previous pictures for Atta about the landscape of Fall. I think I need to prove that I'm actually experiencing Fall in the US. Also, since I'm leaving the US next year during summer, I will not experience Fall again then next year. So, I decided to take Pam Pearson along to be my personal photographer *thank's Pam!* and took these pictures.

Well, you can call me of being narcistic or whatever......

In front of Landscape Architecture Building where most of my classmates who are also Teaching Assistants have their offices. The building also houses Intensive English Orientation Program where Barbara Schwarte, PhD, my major professor, is the director. Posted by Hello

Still in front of Landscape Architecture Building Posted by Hello

me and the maple leaves! beautiful... Posted by Hello

Between Farm House Museum and the Green House (you can actually see that the Greenhouse is the building on the right) Posted by Hello

Catt Hall...huge! Posted by Hello

In front of Catt Hall where the floor of the patio contains the names of women whom their families wanted to remember for certain deeds or achievements. Posted by Hello

Me with the Ross Hall sign. Ross Hall is where my classes are located and it also houses the offices of my professors. Posted by Hello

At the background is Ross Hall. Posted by Hello

Between Memorial Union (the background) and the Campanile (in front of me) Posted by Hello

Me with Beardshear Hall as the background. Beardshear is the center of administration of Iowa State University. Pic by Pam Pearson. Posted by Hello

Beardshear Hall at the background... Posted by Hello

Me and the Bearshear again.... Posted by Hello

The Campanile Tower: up, close and personal... Pic by Neny. Posted by Hello

The archway of the Campanile... Posted by Hello

This is another Campanile picture..oh man...I like the spot too much! Posted by Hello

Me and the Campanile as the background! Posted by Hello

Me with my favorite spot for photos: the Campanile! Posted by Hello

Maple leaves changing colors...aren't they beautiful? This is between Gerdin Business Building and Memorial Union. Pic by Moises Perales. Posted by Hello

In front of Curtis Hall. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The look of Fall in Ames

These pics are for Atta, who posted a comment on my poem about Fall and said that she wished to see the maple leaves in Fall someday. Cross my fingers on that, Atta! But meanwhile, I hope you enjoy the pics!

Behind the Parks library...on Osborn Drive...how lovely the trees are...but the weather is brrrrrrr....cold! Posted by Hello

My favorite spot for picture..The Campanile...see how the trees start changing colors? Posted by Hello

This is how Fall looks like on the trees in front of my apartment Posted by Hello

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Lelah
mencoba
mengerti.

Waktu ini
membunuhku
serba
terbalik.

Sayapku
serasa patah.
Tak bisa
melayang
bebas tanpa
beban.
[Aku
harus
terus
terbang
kalau tak
mau
bunuh diri,
kita semua
mati.]

Kau
tak
paham
lika-liku
hariku.
Jadi
berhenti
menuntut!

Monday, October 25, 2004

Sajak Musim Gugur

Tanyaku pada angin
apakah datangmu adalah sepi?
Daun-daun maple
yang menguning
seperti gugurnya
luapan hati
dan sepi menari.

Gigilnya udara
laiknya gigilnya relasi
dan aku terkucil
dalam dunia sempit
ini serasa sendiri.

Di negeri ini
musim ini
suasana hati
jadi mati.

[Kurindui kau
dalam senyum
musim panas
yang panjang]

Kenalan yuk ama Firefox

Gara-gara blognya gobloq ini saya jadi cobain download firefox buat web browser...dan hasilnyaaaaa...whuaaa, cepet bener tuh buka situs-situs! Yang saya paling suka sebenarnya karena windows saya udah crash beberapa kali begitu saya sok sibuk buka beberapa window pake Internet Explorer. Apalagi kalo bareng dengerin musik. Padahal saya kan paling hobi tuh browsing sambil dengerin musik *kayak sekarang lagi sambil denger Craig David~Two Steps*. Udah gitu kadang-kadang saya juga sambil bikin tugas *kali ini sedang bikin presentasi pake Power Point*. Kalau udah gitu, komputer saya ngambek, ngehang, atau malah mati sama sekali. Sebel!

So far nih pake firefox sih asyik-asyik aja. Udah gitu sistemnya dia nggak pake window banyak2 tapi pake tab *tapi masih lupa2 melulu, buka tutup window-nya hehehe*. Tambahan lagi, DSL saya emang dudul karena kalo ngebuka suatu situs pasti security-nya bilang "this site cannot be viewed" dan harus bbrp kali refresh supaya situsnya bisa terbuka.Tapi pake firefox paling cuman sekali aja refresh atau malah enggak sama sekali. Langsung sung!

Makanya, Guys, ayo switch ke Firefox-nya Mozilla....

Get Firefox!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Being busy and focused...

Well, I should say that the more I'm into this semester, the more I'm screwed up with my stuffs.

You see, it's so difficult to focus my mind to the work that I'm supposed to be doing. When I knew exactly that I needed to read for tomorrow's presentation, my mind was more into blogging. Not exactly posting a new stuff, but sort of like "putting make-up" on my blogsite. I guess I get more addicted to this little online diary of mine.

Like tonight. I know I'm supposed to be working on my presentation. I know I'm supposed to write notes for my meeting with my major prof. I know I'm supposed to prepare for my teaching tomorrow. But I just don't have the spirit to start working. And guess what I am doing: blogging.

On the wider perspective, I guess I should say that this semester is tough. Got three classes to think about *not to mention all the assignments that the profs want us to do*, a practicum class to teach, a thesis to prepare. And this semester I've experienced many relationship turmoils and emotional rollercoaster ride.

I'm grateful that God still provides me with challenges and exams. That shows how God cares about me and wants me to be a better human being. Sometimes, it's so unbearable. Sometimes, I want to quit. Sometimes, I just feel so misunderstood. Sometimes, I feel so lonely.

But God is still around. God's presence is in everything I encounter everyday. In a smile of a stranger. In an email of an acquitance. In a chat conversation with a friend. In a sentence of a book reading. In a scene of a movie.

I need to be loved. I wish to be loved. Egoististical me. But will you love me?

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Update on [Kehilangan Teman]

Update on this blog:

Yup, got her email and yes she's mad at me. I think I figured it out already. Yes, she said I figured out the reason as well. So, that's my mistake. No excuse.

But, she needs time for herself (thanks, Atta, you're right on this), and she doesn't have the energy to socialize at this point. I guess we both are resting in our little shell, busy with our own stuffs.

Oh, well, still my feeling is not settled. And as the result, last night I preferred going home by bus from the gig at Vietnamese Students' Autumn Dance, rather than accepting a ride from a friend. I guess I need time for myself too.

[Anti-social mode still ON]

The Gig: Vietnamese Students Autumn Dance

Alright, after much of my complaints about the practice, I have to say the gig went well *btw, it's on Friday, Oct 22, 8-12 pm @ Great Hall of Memorial Union*. Although I had to bring my cheat sheet for the lyric, I received some applauses, the glitches in the performance were minimal, and I had quite fun singing. Of course, as much as Yierick, my guitarist, wanted me to sing like Led Zeppelin singer, I would always bring my own personality in the song. And I did.

Thanks to Yierick [guitar], Ari [guitar], Chau [bass], and Yiendra [drum] who made the song wonderful. It's always fun to sing with you, Guys!

*I love singing, I love performing, it is always a great way to relax and have fun*

Friday, October 22, 2004

Filosofis tentang makna pertemanan

Kayaknya 'pertemanan' jadi topik of the week nih. Baru saya hari ini ngeblog soal tanggapan teman saya ttg kehilangan teman, eh...saya dapat email dari seorang kenalan tentang perbedaan definisi antara seorang teman dan sahabat:

TEMAN DAN SAHABAT

Ada satu perbedaan antara menjadi seorang kenalan dan menjadi seorang sahabat. Pertama, seorang kenalan adalah seorang yang namanya kau ketahui, yang kau lihat berkali-kali, yang dengannya mungkin kau miliki persamaan, dan yang disekitarnya kau merasa nyaman.

Ia adalah orang yang dapat kau undang ke rumahmu dan dengannya kau berbagi. Namun mereka adalah orang yang dengannya tidak akan kau bagi hidupmu, yang tindakan-tindakannya kadang-kadang tidak kau mengerti karena kau tidak cukup tahu tentang mereka.

Sebaliknya, seorang sahabat adalah seseorang yang kau cintai.. Bukan karena kau jatuh cinta padanya, namun kau peduli akan oang itu, dan kau memikirkannya ketika mereka tidak ada.

Sahabat-sahabat adalah orang dimana kau diingatkan ketika kau melihat sesuatu yang mungkin mereka sukai, dan kau tahu itu karena kau mengenal mereka dengan baik.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang fotonya kau miliki dan wajahnya selalu ada di kepalamu.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang kau lihat dalam pikiran mu ketika kau mendengar sebuah lagu di radio karena mereka membuat dirimu berdiri untuk menghampiri mereka dan mengajak berdansa dengan mereka atau mungkin kau yang berdansa dengan mereka, mungkin mereka menginjak jari kakimu, atau sekedar menempatkan kepala mereka di pundakmu.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang diantaranya kau merasa aman karena kau tahu mereka peduli terhadapmu.

Mereka menelpon hanya untuk mengetahui apa kabarmu, karena sahabat sesungguhnya tidak butuh suatu alasanpun.

Mereka berkata jujur-pertama kali - dan kau melakukan hal yang sama. Kau tahu bahwa jika kau memiliki masalah, mereka akan bersedia mendengar.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang tidak akan menertawakanmu atau menyakitimu, dan jika mereka benar-benar menyakitimu, mereka akan berusaha keras untuk memperbaikinya.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang kau cintai dengan sadar ataupun tidak.

Mereka adalah orang-orang dengan siapa kau menangis ketika kau tidak diterima di perguruan tinggi dan selama lagu terakhir di pesta perpisahan kelas dan saat wisuda.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang pada saat kau peluk, kau tak akan berpikir berapa lama memeluk dan siapa yang harus lebih dahulu mengakhiri.

Mungkin mereka adalah orang yang memegang cincin pernikahanmu, atau orang yang mengantarkan / mengiringmu pada saat pernikahanmu, atau mungkin adalah orang yang kau nikahi.

~Unknown


Hmmm, jadi berpikir, apakah Tuhan sedang berusaha mengajarkan saya sesuatu lewat hal-hal di sekitar saya?

I'm still in my own shell, living in my little shack...

Thanks to Shiva Tuasikal buat emailnya...

(Lagi-lagi) Kehilangan teman...

Seorang teman membalas blog saya di blog dia dan kita jadi bicara-bicara banyak di chatting tentang topik kehilangan teman. Pendekatan dia saat ini malah dia sedang berusaha menghilangkan teman. Hmm, menarik juga sudut pandang dia. On the contrary my own struggle to gain a friend, she tried to cut a connection with one of her friends. Alasannya sederhana saja, karena tampaknya si teman ini tidak cocok untuk dijadikan teman. Hmm, mungkin itu juga alasan kenapa teman saya yg lagi nir-komunikasi dengan saya itu berusaha memutus koneksi komunikasi dengan saya.

Bicara soal cocok-tidak cocok dalam pertemanan, ada memang orang-orang tertentu yang kita filter untuk jadi kenalan saja *bahasa bulenya 'an acquintance'*. Mungkin karena tidak cocok dari segi minat. Mungkin tidak pas dengan gaya komunikasi kita. Mungkin karena dinilai tidak mampu menjadi teman *soal kriterianya, masing-masing orang punya nilai-nilai sendiri-sendiri*.

Akhirul kata, singkat cerita, pada muaranya, saya tengah memutuskan untuk anti-sosial. Dalam artian, saya sedang tidak ingin menjalin koneksi dengan siapa-siapa di sini. Bukan berarti saya tidak terlibat dalam jaringan sosial di sini, tapi lebih pada tidak berusaha untuk membuka komunikasi. Kalau misalnya mereka membutuhkan saya, atau menyapa saya, atau melibatkan saya dalam dunia mereka, ya pasti saya juga akan membuka 'pagar' hati saya. Tapi kalau tidak, ya saya akan diam-diam saja. Alasannya? Karena saya ragu apa saya bisa menjadi teman yang baik *soal ini, silakan tanya yudi atau teman-teman saya, mengapa saya tidak bisa jadi teman yang baik*. Saya juga takut kalau episode yg kemarin-kemarin, di mana saya tidak cukup peka terhadap perasaan dan keinginan teman-teman saya, terjadi lagi dan saya lalu menyakiti hati teman-teman saya.

Saya lagi ingin tinggal di dunia kecil saya sendiri *which means, sibuk dengan thesis, kelas, tugas, main game, blogging, keluarga kecil saya*.

Saya lagi anti-sosial.

(Tapi kalau Anda ingin menyapa saya, silahkan....akan saya coba tanggapi dengan sepenuh hati...)

Thanks to Atta and Nana for your input...

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Kehilangan teman...

Bagaimana rasanya kalau seorang teman dekat memutus komunikasi sama sekali? Tidak mau menerima telepon, tidak mau membalas pesan chatting, bahkan telepon dua hari sekali yg biasanya setia dia lakukan, tampaknya hampir seminggu ini tak akan terjadi.

Saya tentu saja bingung.

Saya tentu saja berusaha menghubunginya.

Saya tentu saja bertanya-tanya apa salah saya.

Lewat macam-macam cara: telpon, voice mail, msn chatting.

Tapi tetap saja dia bungkam.

Saya sebenarnya tidak mau kehilangan teman dekat sebaik dia. Apalagi di sini dia tampaknya salah satu orang yang bisa saya bilang tahu sekali tentang saya. Namun sampai kapan saya harus mengajuk-ajuk hatinya tanpa tahu sama sekali apa salah saya. Buat saya lebih mudah kalau dia marah-marah, memaki-maki saya, hingga saya punya kesempatan untuk minta maaf. Tapi kalau bungkam diam seribu bahasa begini, saya pun tak tahu mau minta maaf untuk apa. Saya jadinya juga males untuk mulai menjalin percakapan.

Kembalilah teman...

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Kekuatan Senyum...

Saya lagi termenung-menung mengingat senyum salah satu murid saya di kelas praktikum. Tampaknya senyum yg dia lontarkan selalu saja menular ke semua orang. Siapa saja yg kena senyumannya, selalu jadi ikut tersenyum. Setiap saya tak sengaja melayangkan pandang padanya, saya selalu menjumpai senyumnya itu dan saya jadi ikutan tersenyum.

Lalu, ada satu lagu yg saya rasa 'agak-agak' relevan dengan senyum. Kebetulan lagu ini adalah lagu favorit saya sejak pertama kali datang di Ames tahun lalu. Judulnya Your Smiling Face, penyanyinya James Taylor.

Whenever I see your smiling face
I have to smile myself
because I love you
yes, I do.
~Your Smiling Face, James Taylor

Ini lagu, lagu jaman baheula banget karena dirilisnya aja tahun 1976. Tapi summer tahun lalu, salah satu stasiun radio di sini sering memutar lagu itu pas saya sedang menumpang bis cyride ke kampus, dan saya yg mendengarkan lagu itu lewat headphone jadi senyum-senyum sendiri nggak karuan. Bukan karena liriknya *liriknya emang romantis dan lucu* tapi lebih karena suasana yg ditawarkan lagu itu serba cerah, serba ceria, serba bikin tersenyum. Tampaknya lagu ini juga memancarkan aura menular yg sama dengan senyum murid saya di atas.

Ada kesamaan diantara dua hal di atas: keduanya merubah hari saya yang bt, menyebalkan, jadi lebih tertahankan, dan anehnya jadi tambah cerah. Di posting sebelumnya tentang kelas yg saya ajar malam ini, saya merasa setengah mati gagal karena kurang persiapan. Belum lagi karena hari ini rasanya saya sama sekali tidak prepared dalam segala hal. Tapi melihat senyum dia, rasanya beban saya terangkat sedikit dan suasana kelas saya jadi agak-agak cerah sedikit. Dalam kasus lagunya James Taylor, saya yang masih mengalami culture shock ketika bulan-bulan pertama tiba di Ames, jadi sedikit agak merasa ceria karena mendengar lagu itu. Rasanya walau di bis banyak orang yang sama sekali tidak tersenyum dan tidak menyapa saya *beda banget dengan bis Semarang-Solo, sesama stranger aja bisa ngobrol seru*, saya tetap bisa positif menanggapinya, hingga hati saya tak terlalu mangkel dicuekin begitu.

Kekuatan senyum, alangkah hebatnya. Besok-besok saya bertekad untuk lebih banyak tersenyum. Siapa tahu senyum saya menular, dan saya bisa sedikit menaburkan rasa positif untuk orang-orang yang saya temui besok, dan besok, dan besok, dan besok....

Noone can tell me what I'm doing wrong
Whenever I see you smile at me
~Your Smiling Face, James Taylor

Thanks to Patricio and James Taylor who have taught me the power of smile...

Monday, October 18, 2004

Screwed up...

Asli, saya screwed up banget ngajarnya malam ini. Jam lima sore baru nyadar bahwa utk bahan malam ini saya harus pinjem kaset buat listening activity. Gee...goblok banget gak nyadar dari kemarin2.

Akhirnya, karena kepepet, malam ini saya ngerubah total lesson plannya. Untungnya, minggu lalu saya sempat memberi tugas presentasi. Jadi lumayan lah ada kegiatan. Dan jadi bisa bikin assesment yg sejak minggu2 lalu tidak bisa terlaksana karena terbatasnya waktu.

Ini nih muara kemalasan saya weekend kemarin....Oh well...still too much to do tonight buat besok. Kalau enggak saya screw up lagi.....help!

Serba mendadak...

Satu hal yang saya agak-agak sebel dengan Band saya, the Other Eight, adalah persiapan yang serba mendadak, dan muaranya: performance jadi nggak maksimal.

Misalnya sekarang ini. Minggu depan, kami harus manggung di Autumn Dance, sebuah acaranya Vietnamese Student Association di kampus *pemain gitar saya, Chau, orang Vietnam*. Tapi baru kemarin ini Juhari, bassis band saya, mulai mengajak latihan. Kalau lagunya sudah pernah kita mainkan sih, nggak masalah, tinggal memantapkan aja. Tapi yang bikin saya sebel, ternyata saya harus nyanyi lagu baru yaitu lagunya Led Zeppelin-Stairway to Heaven! Buat Yierick, gitaris band saya yang sudah main lagu ini berkali-kali, tentu ini nggak masalah. Lagian genre beginian kan emang dia suka. Tapi saya kan nggak ngeh ama lagu ini, wong bukan termasuk salah satu lagu yg saya suka. Terpaksa kan saya harus belajar menyukai, menjiwai lagu ini. Udah gitu pas saya nyari-nyari liriknya di internet, ya ampyun, panjangnya minta ampun, plus nggak ada yg mirip-mirip lagi antara satu bait ama bait yg lain. Alamat saya musti ngapalin lagunya seminggu penuh! Yg bikin nyesek lagi, lagu beginian kan gak cocok buat suara saya. Ya bisa sih dicocok-cocokin *sebagai finalis Cyclone Idol kudu bisa dong nyanyiin semua jenis lagu, caila...sombong banget..* tapi gak ada satu bagian pun dimana saya bisa menyelipkan personality saya. Kesannya jadi mirip plek ama penyanyi aslinya. Aduh, saya kan gak suka banget niru penyanyi lain!

Kemarin ini, akhirnya dengan agak mangkel, saya iya-kan ajakan latihan Juhari. Dia bilang, jam 2 sore kita latihan di tempat latihan kita di apartment Yierick di 225 North Hyland. Tunggu punya tunggu, sampai hampir jam 3, eh, gak nongol juga si Yierick menjemput saya. Akhirnya telpon Yierick.

"Halo, Yierick, jadi latihan nggak nih?"
"Waduh, Nen, sori, lupa ngasih tahu. Ini yang latihan band cewek2 dulu. Kita nanti latihan jam 7-an." Sialan, tiwas saya menunda bbrp pekerjaan.
"Oh ya udah. Entar aja kalo gitu." Sialan, sialan. "Eh, kirim mp3-nya dulu dong, aku nggak punya."
"Oh, OK. Entar deh aku kirim." Telpon ditutup.

Dan yang namanya entar itu, ternyata sampai jam 7 malem. Pas Yierick akhirnya mengabarkan kalau latihannya sebaiknya besok aja *which means hari ini* karena si Juhari masih rapat sampai detik itu. Ya ampunnnnn....telat, Rick, ngirim filenya! Seperti biasa, karena takut nggak bisa nyanyinya, saya sudah mengobrak-abrik altavista buat mencari file mp3-nya plus liriknya.

Ya udah, gagal total segala rencana saya kemarin untuk mulai mengerjakan beberapa tugas kampus gara-gara latihan band yang tidak jelas. Kalau harus latihan hari ini, saya udah tahu kalau saya nggak akan bisa latihan, karena hari ini saya ada kelas jam 2-4 sore. Lalu malamnya jam 7-9 saya harus mengajar kelas praktikum saya. Antara jam 4-7 pasti saya harus siap-siap bahan mengajar dan sebagainya. Jelas nggak mungkin bisa latihan. Tapi saya udah tau apa yang akan terjadi. Para pemain band akan tetep latihan *seperti tadi malam, latihan tanpa Juhari yg lagi rapat dan tanpa saya karena apartment saya terlalu jauh jadi mereka males menjemput saya* dan saya akan latihan sendiri. Di hari terakhir *ini bahkan bisa jadi dua-tiga jam sebelum manggung* barulah kami semua kerja keras susah payah latihan bareng untuk memadukan semuanya.

Untungnya sih, sejauh ini semuanya baik-baik aja. Eh, enggak jugalah. Seingat saya, di setiap manggung, ada aja masalah yg muncul. Misalnya sound yg nggak maksimal, mic saya yg suka mati, chord yg salah, salah masuk intro, dsb. Kalau gini, jadi gemes ama band kita yg suka banget latihan mendadak, serba nggak maksimal. Kalau misalnya kita mau dikiiiiittttt aja disiplin, latihan tepat waktu, rutin, dengan persiapan yg matang, pasti deh band kita jadi bagus manggungnya. Ini aku yakin banget, karena band kita materi pemainnya udah bagus-bagus, tinggal memadukan dan mengkompakkan permainan masing-masing.

Hmmmmffffhhhh....Stairway to Heaven, gila panjang bener liriknya....mana liriknya susah dipahami maknanya, pake kata-kata bersayap gini. Kayaknya gak cocok pula dengan warna suara saya yg ngejazz gini. Ada yang bisa bantu saya memahami lagunya dan mencari personality suara saya di lagu ini?

Permias Welcoming Party Fall 2004

Well, I guess it is kind of the tradition to have a welcoming party every semester so here are some pics from the party that I just downloaded from Permias website and from Ching Hui's camera. The party itself was on September 11, 2004, held at Sommerset Club House. The band played four songs: Take Me Away by Fefe Dobson, Melompat Lebih Tinggi by Sheila on 7, Final Countdown by Europe and She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5.

After the party, we went to Perkins Restaurant to celebrate Kariman's birthday. Lots of fun!

Check out the pics below...enjoy!


Preparing for the songs... Posted by Hello