Neny Goes to Amrik!

I'm home...

2005-09-27T03:39:00.000-05:00

I'm no longer in the United States, so I move to this new blog:

neny-isharyanti.blogspot.com

See you around and thanks for hanging around with me here...

Nebraska trip

2005-07-06T15:07:00.000-05:00

On July 1 - 3, I had the opportunity to travel to Nebraska to visit Omaha and Lincoln. Fun trip. Tons of pics. Tired feet. Enuff saying...

As Abi puts it, it's time to visit the corn fields :P

Jari

2005-06-29T00:17:00.000-05:00

Itu jari mau dikemanakan?
Ke arah matahari
merasakan mata angin
mendamba langit.

Hidup ini adalah jari.

Ritual Tertunda

2005-06-26T20:42:00.000-05:00

sejak kapan menit
jadi terlupa
dan merahnya senja
terlalu tanpa bahasa?

Galibnya ritual
yang tak sekejap
tertunda karena
tak ada hati
di sana.

2005-06-24T17:58:00.000-05:00

I hate this class...
I hate this summer class...
I hate this Foundations in Instructional Technology class...

Aaaarrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perjuangan belum selesai, Jendral!

2005-06-22T00:17:00.000-05:00

Yup, perjalanan masih panjang.

Daftar "cucian" yg hrs gw selesaikan:

Revisi thesis
Tugas2 kelas Foundations in Instructional Technology
Ngurus pindahan ke tempat the Hertz
Get rid of unwanted stuffs
Ngepak barang2
Disconnect telpon
Matiin bank
Bayar utang2
dll...

Whew, alamat gak bisa ngapa2in nih..

Thesis: Accomplished

2005-06-20T23:10:00.000-05:00

Quick post *because I'm too happy*

Title:
Variations in Interactional Modifications in Synchronous Computer-Mediated Communication (CMC) Between Different Tasks Among Indonesian Non-Native Speakers (NNSs) of English

Writer:
Neny Isharyanti

Program:
Master

Major:
Teaching English as a Second Language/Applied Linguistics

Specializations:
Computer-Assisted Language Learning (CALL)
English for Specific Purposes (ESP)

Final Oral Exam:
Monday, June 20, 2005, 3-4.15 PM, 412 Ross Hall

Exam Grade:
PASS

*whew!*

Defense

2005-06-19T20:25:00.000-05:00

If you happen to read this on Monday 3-5 PM Central Time (GMT -6) , I'm having my final oral exam on my thesis.

Please pray for me so that I can pass it safely.

Enough saying and thanks *I'm too nervous now*

Komentar maya

2005-06-19T15:31:00.000-05:00

+ gobloq utk ini

Segala kata mungkin tak punya nada
Segala nada mungkin tak punya gaung
-- itu pikirmu, rasamu

Di dunia maya ini
inspirasi mungkin datang
di kelokan berikutnya

Saya menemukan
kata
nada
gaung
di sini.

Salam,
Neny
* don't give up writing!

Cerita malam ini

2005-06-06T00:18:00.000-05:00

Malam sunyi ini
lagunya adalah merindui
jaraknya adalah benci.

-- baru aku sadari
begitu jauhnya aku telah pergi
dan begitu inginnya aku akan kembali.

Rumah tak mau pergi

2005-05-30T16:59:00.000-05:00

Matahari pagi ini
seperti rumah
tapi tak serupa.

Di sini ada
warna warni
alami
musim yang
dinanti
sejak salju
menjadi
benci.

Aku rindu rumah
seperti di sini.
Menghitung jam
jadi seperti nyeri.
Tempat ini adalah
mimpi yg menuju akhir.
Jarum berhenti:
aku tak mau pergi.

+ Buat para "penggemar" puisiku: Inggita Notosusanto & Charly Silaban *yg katanya pengin baca puisiku lebih banyak*...makasih!

WTF!

2005-05-26T18:53:00.000-05:00

Jadi filosofis
apa arti semua
tulisanku ini.

Sekiranya
penghidupanku
jadi lebih nyaman
kiranya tulisan
ini jadi kuncinya.

Entah mengapa
aku merasa tersia
ketika berjuta karakter
kuketik dan kupikir
tergencet waktu
jadi muaranya:

Jadi filosofis
apa arti semua
tulisanku ini.

Serangga-Bikini-Kulit-Lelaki

2005-05-24T00:11:00.000-05:00

Datangnya serangga
adalah pertanda
musim panas
tiba
tanpa tertunda.

maka jiwa-jiwa
tersiksa
dalam
sweater dan syal
terbebaskan
menjelma
bikini dan celana komprang.

Kulit coklat
jadi rebutan
matahari
jadi jagoan.

Panas dingin
lirik lelaki
saya
memaki.

Maafkan saya...

2005-05-05T12:41:00.000-05:00

Saya baik-baik saja. Sungguh. Dan saya tidak pindah blog atau pindah lokasi. Serius.

Tapi kalau blog saya miskin posting akhir-akhir ini, mohon dimaafkan. Saya sedang mengalami apa yang namanya sibuk tapi males. Sibuk, karena tugas-tugas kuliah yang walaupun cuma satu mata kuliah tapi tugasnya bikin puyeng. Sibuk karena saya tengah mengambil data untuk thesis saya. Tapi males, karena tampaknya saya sudah kehabisan energi dan spirit untuk menggeluti dunia akademik sebagai mahasiswa. Males, karena sebentar lagi *alias 4 bulan lagi* saya akan pulang ke Indonesia dan bertemu dengan orang-orang tercinta. Di otak yang terpikir cuma segala rencana yang akan saya lakukan jika bertemu dengan mereka.

Manifestasinya? Saya bisa tuh ngejogrok lima enam jam di perpustakaan kampus, tapi hasil kerja nggak sampai 15%. Dan saya bisa sekali menunda pekerjaan jika senja sudah menjemput matahari. Satu lagi, saya sedang hobi main game di Neopets dan sudah sampai tahap ke kecanduan berat, sampai-sampai setiap ketemu komputer di mana pun pinginnya akses ke Neopets! (Hiks, jadi kebayang, kalau di Indonesia nggak mungkin bisa dapat koneksi Internet yg wus, wus, wus...) .

Makanya, maafkan saya kalau blog ini seperti hidup segan mati tak hendak, alias jarang ada postingan. Saya sedang berusaha memotivasi diri saya supaya tidak males dan segera bisa menyelesaikan kewajiban saya pada negara *caila....* untuk menuntaskan studi saya di negara Paman Sam

I'm blessed in the midst of trial...

2005-04-16T01:53:00.000-05:00

In the middle of my trial with my thesis, God still grants me the blessing. I'm honored to be given the title of the third winner of 2005 Cyclone Idol [Iowa State Daily article here]

Full concentration!

Thank you, Christine Goeltom, for your beautiful play with the piano. You made my song for the final complete. Thank you all friends who showed up and supported me during the whole process of Cyclone Idol. Thank you some friends who gave me hugs, cheers, applauses, flowers and chocolate to celebrate my performance tonight. I'm "Saving All My Love for You" (this is the song that I sang for the final).

I'm thankful. Pray that God will help me during this ordeal of my thesis.

Acknowledgements

2005-04-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

A list of thank-yous....

God -- for all the opportunities, blessings, trials, temptations which make me able to experience many facets of life and to grow better as a person.
my family -- for trusting me, supporting me and criticizing me in all the decisions and actions that I make, for loving me no matter what, for being there and listening to my rants.
my friends -- for giving me assistance when I need it the most, for sharing my joy and pain, for assurance that I can do it, no matter how hard the obstacles are.

With that, I rest the endeavors of my life in Your Great Divine Hands...

Pumping my ego...

2005-04-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

If you google my name today, here are some things that I have done in the past months:

Translation Project for Tsunami in Aceh here (IndonesiaHelp.org)
IFF in Beaver Creek during Spring Break here (the Des Moines Register)
Indonesian Night 2005 MC and performances here and here (Iowa State Daily).
TESOL conference in San Antonio, TX here (CALL Club) and pics.
Blogshares: The fantasy stock market for weblogs here.

Not really important, huh? But big enough to pump my ego *wink*

Pray for me...

2005-04-08T04:12:00.000-05:00

In the midst of this chaos of my thesis process, I ask you to pray for me....

Pray so that I can find subjects...
Pray so that I can collect my data soon...
Pray so that I can have a clear mind in writing...
Pray so that I can meet all the deadlines...
Pray so that I can finish my study on time...

But more importantly, please pray so that I will be healthy and sane in doing all of this...

Lesson Learned

2005-04-05T22:12:00.000-05:00

I went to San Antonio, Texas, for a week, attending TESOL conference.

Anne, Monica, Dr. Chapelle, Mehmet, Reiko and me
after our presentation in TESOL

Going back from San Antonio, I started to perceive my friends differently. It turned out that I took for granted the ability of human beings to act both positively and negatively. Probably because I was never put to a situation which required me to be constantly with other people for 24 hours, I had never seen the dark side of my personalities. When I was put in a condition which hampered me to be nice all the time, I eventually learned that at some points, I had to show the real me, which means that I did not only show my positive characteristics (nice, smiling all the time, generous, understanding, etc.), but also my negative traits (egoististical, lazy, careless, etc.).

When people are tired, after a long day of conference sessions, they might be more sensitive and easily angry. When people are crappy, looking for a privacy time, there may be a tendency of treating other people badly. I, of course, being tired of walking from session to session for a whole day and being in a need of quality time with myself, became sensitive, bad-tempered, and crappy. I don't like being treated badly, but I have to realize that as human beings, it is impossible to be "angels" all the time, particularly after a long tiring day without a time to be alone, just with yourself.

My experience in San Antonio, traveling with my three closest friends, has taught me to understand more the nature of human beings of being an "angel" at one time, and an "evil" at the other time. Quite a number of times when I was with them, I wanted to yell at them to shut up and to leave me alone. I had the urge to debate any decisions that they made for going to certain places or doing certain activities, either because I did not want to go to those places or to do those activities. I also learned that my friends who were angelic most of the times in the past or in San Antonio (understanding, attentive, willing to help and listen), sometimes they too showed the teeth of their evilish smile (being difficult to deal with, giving others a hard time, yelling).

What can I do? Patience, patience, patience. Do to others as you do unto yourself.

A hard task to do, but I'm learning and trying and applying....

At the background is the "trolley" of San Antonio
more pics are here. Enjoy!

Skiing: learning to fall (and be OK with it!)

2005-03-24T22:15:00.000-06:00

So, finally, two days before the ski resort is closed for the Spring to come, I went skiing.

It's not that I'm that enthusiastic about sports. Or that I'm crazy about snow. It's just that I face the grim fact that I might not be able to touch or smell or experience snow again after August.

Since my motto is "experience everything at least once", skiing is definitely one of the activities that I want to experience while I'm in the US (those include, in the past: going to American football game; thanksgiving; watching ballets, theaters, and classical music recitals; going to farm).

I was lucky because the place where I visited to go skiing, the Mount Kato Ski Resort, in Mankato, Minnesota, was still open until Saturday. My initial plan was to go to the Seven Oaks Ski Resort, in Boone, Iowa, which is located only about 10 miles from Ames. Alas, when I decided to go, I found out that they were already closed for the season. Gina Hertz, who had been very kind to be willing to drive me and accompany me skiing, suggested to go to Mankato instead, which is located near the border of Iowa and Minnesota. Off we go, almost three hours drive, to Mankato, Minnesota.

The map: Ames, IA-Mankato, MN

Gina Hertz, my patient skiing
teacher and a talented skier!

me and Gina in the car,
ready to go skiing!

After we paid the fee for entrance, lift pass (the lift to get us to the top of the hill), and ski equipment rental at the gate, we went to the rental shop to get a pair of skis and boots. No poles? Yup, no poles for beginners. Poles are used for speeding your skis, and since beginners are not supposed to speed until they master the flow of the skis, then no poles for me!

The entrance tag to the ski resort.
We had to hang this tag on
our jacket so that the workers
could see it when we're skiing
and they knew that we didn't
sneak into the resort without
paying ;)

They assigned the right skis
for me based on my weight
(don't ask!) & my level of skill
(probably idiot level ;)

If you think skiing is fun, think twice!

First, the boots were very rigid and hard. My feet were like being put in a plaster cast (no kidding!). The boots were especially made with hooks at the bottom to make sure that the skis are securely fastened to the boots. And it's not easy to get on the skis in the slippery ice and to put them on tight. Otherwise, you may fall easily!

Of course, due to the rigidness and the shape of the skis, it was very hard for me to walk to the lift station with those equipments. If you could see me, I was walking like an ugly duckling :P My thighs were so much in pain after the we're done skiing. It took me three days to recover from the soreness of my thighs.

Secondly, the snow was very slippery! I needed to know how and where I should put my skis in order to avoid being slipped and falling on snow.

And, the law of gravitation does exist, fellas! Everything, and that includes me and my skis, will fall to the lower part of the slopes (not to the top part of the hill, got it? *wink*) And of course, the skis were designed to make the skier able to ski on the ice (duh!) so once they hit the slope on the right angle (which is facing toward the foot or the top of the hill), they will carry you fast and furious down the slope! (I hope I made myself clear)

Gina taught me that the secret of not slipping the ice and not going downhill unprepared was to position the skis *and of course the body on top of them* across the hill, not facing the top/foot of the hill. If you place your skis along the hill, you will surely fall.

The painful boots

Getting on the skis is
tricky! You need to
know the tricks and
Sir Isaac Newton :)

The other lesson was how to control and stop the skis. It was damn hard! To control the skis to turn left, the secret is to move the body weight to the right foot. To stop the skis, the skis need to be in triangular-like position, so the tip of the skis almost meet. Also, it is very important to stand with the back straight, and bend both legs. The standard position of skiing is like squatting but only half way.

Enough? Nooooo....I have to be ready to fall, not for once nor twice, but for at least a dozen times! And of course, falling sucks! In my first attempt, I fell seven times: once when I got off the lift, and six other times along the hill (which means once every two meters). Second time was better, three times only! Still, the lift was my enemy. I fell off everytime I got off. But I learned how to shift my balance from left to right to make a zigzag along the hill. Third time is a charm. No fall at all!

The results of the fall? Quite obvious: the back of my ski pants was completely wet and my butt was killing me! Is that all? No! The most important aspect of falling is that I lose my dignity as an adult who was a complete idiot in learning to ski! The kids around me (yes, kids, under 16) were considered a pro and I could see what's in their mind seeing this goofy adult falling heaps of times on ice!

Of course, I would fall and stumble. That was my first time. I think the reason of why I fell so many times on my first attempt is because I underestimated the skill required to ski. Once I changed my set of mind and be serious about it, I didn't fall as many as the first time.

This is the ski pants
that I borrowed from
Gina. Do you notice
that my butt is wet from falling too often?

And, once I overcame all the obstacles, I was feeling estatic! Skiing is fun! It's like flying! Spread your wings and feel the wind on your face while you're skiing downhill...

Uh oh, wait a minute...just when I got comfortable zigzagging along the hill, changing from easy terrain to more difficult one, it got scarier... First attempt to the blue terrain (more difficult terrain) was flawless. I did it flying color. Second attempt: bad! I fell hard and stuck in the middle of the terrain. The foot of the hill was half way down, and I felt soooooo scared! Gina assured me to go down in the skis, but I preferred on foot. No question asked, but I knew Gina was thinking that I was a chicken! And I return to the bunny slopes....

Ready to hit the more
difficult slope *looking
optimistic, but watch
your steps man! See
the next picture!*

The fall! And the foot
of the hill seemed so
faarrrrrr faaarrrrrr
awaaaayyyyy
I want my mommy! :P

Three hours had passed. The weather was terribly wonderful. Not too hot so that the snow would not melt. Not too cold so that I didn't have to put my heavy jacket. After a dozen more skiing downhill, I was ready to go home.

In front of the ski slopes:
the two left ones are the green/bunny slopes (easy ones),
the right one is the blue one (more difficult one)

Wonderful, unforgettable experience. Thanks God for letting me experience this. Thanks Gina for driving me up to Minnesota and teaching me how to ski.

Enough said.

A day in Gregory's Coffee House

2005-03-23T07:04:00.000-06:00

This is how a typical day of Neny in Gregory's Coffee House of Ames...

Going to Gregory's during the day...

2005-03-23T07:03:00.000-06:00

Then arrive in Gregory's...

2005-03-23T07:02:00.001-06:00

Ready to work!

2005-03-23T07:02:00.000-06:00

with my laptop, my cellphone, and a mug of hot coffee

2005-03-23T07:01:00.000-06:00

Now, I'm set to work..

2005-03-23T07:00:00.000-06:00

But, the cinnamon cappucino coffee with whipped cream and 3 packs of raw sugar is inviting...hmm, what to do?

2005-03-23T06:59:00.000-06:00

Start working or coffee first? *tough choice*

2005-03-23T06:58:00.001-06:00

Oh well, let's start working, have coffee, and take pictures at the same time!

2005-03-23T06:58:00.000-06:00

A few hours later...going home from Gregory's

Iowa Corn Song?

2005-03-15T09:58:00.000-06:00

*Narcistic Mode ON*

Last night, I had a very rare and pleasant opportunities to sing in front of the dignitaries of Iowa politics and business in The Second Annual Hoover-Wallace Dinner at Des Moines Marriott Downtown Hotel (coverage in Des Moines Register here and here, RadioIowa here). The Dinner was organized by The World Food Prize, Rotary Clubs of Iowa and the Greater Des Moines Partnership, to celebrate the 25th Anniversary of the Life-Saving work of Iowa SHARES in Southeast Asia. The event was also for raising funds for the Borlaug-Ruan International Internship Program for Iowa highschoolers.

The dinner was very delicious. The invitees were A-list politicians and big companies in Iowa (to name a few: former US Vice President Walter Mondale, Former Iowa Governor Robert Ray, US Senator Tom Harkin, US Senator Chuck Grassley, Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack). And the price of the seat was crazy: minimum $100 per seat or $ 1,000 per table if you want to dine! Even Tom Hertz, who came as my guest that evening, said that although he may be able to pay, he will never get the invitation! It is one of the biggest fund-raising event in Iowa and it's very hard to get invited.

Now, how a girl from Indonesia, with mediocre singing quality, and virtually unknown to the prominent figures of Iowa, got invited to sing in such a huge event? Call it luck! :P The reason of why I could sing in that event is because of word of mouth. Kevin Geik, one of the organizing staff, happened to hear me singing quite a while ago in Ames Boys and Girls Scout event to celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr birthday, and he suggested my name to be the performer of that evening. How I got invited to sing in that small event of the Scout? It was because Judy Dolphin, the director of YWCA Ames where I volunteered in IFF program, suggested my name. So, it was one thing leads to another.

I was only singing the Iowa Corn Song for less than 5 minutes, but the opportunity to sing in such a prestigious event and to shake hand with some famous politicians is priceless....

We're from Ioway, Ioway
State of all the land
Joy on every hand
We're from Ioway, Ioway
That's where the tall corn grows...

Words by George Hamilton and Ray W. Lockard
Original music by Edward Riley

Balik ndeso...pulang kampung..

2005-03-10T15:47:00.000-06:00

Yah, sodara-sodara, tampaknya warung saya ini akan segera tutup di bulan Agustus karena saya akan selama-lamanya balik ndeso alias pulang kampung ke Indonesa (catet, bukan Indone-sya). Nggak mungkin dong saya terus-menerus ngeblog di nenydiamrik, wong sayanya nggak di Amrik. Tapi saya janji bakal ngeblog terus di sini (tunggu launchingnya di bulan Agustus ya?).

Ceritanya, kemarin saya dapat email penolakan cinta yang menyakitkan (lhah?). Iya, Na (dan teman-teman yang lain), saya dengan resmi tidak diterima untuk terus sekolah di ladang jagung Iowa ini. Setelah menjelaskan bahwa ada sekian banyak pelamar dan bahwa ini adalah pengambilan keputusan yang paling berat, bla bla bla, ketua jurusan saya ini menyampaikan bahwa dengan berat hati Anda belum bisa diterima di program PhD ini. Bah! Pakai basa-basi segala, Pak, singkat padat saja, Anda tidak diterima! Titik!

Ini gambar gedung Ross Hall tempat kuliah PhD itu, terambil dari web ini

Di kanan itu temen saya yang hebat itu

Sedih? Iya. Sakit hati? Iya. Nangis? Enggak lah. Ngapain? Lha wong saya nggak tau persis kriteria-nya para bapak dan ibu ini dalam menentukan diterima tidaknya para pelamar. Teman saya ini saja, yang menurut saya resumenya sungguh sangat bikin ciut nyali, ternyata juga mengalami nasib yang sama dengan saya. Ditolak dengan sukses! Bayangkan saja, dia yang bener-bener berkualitas nomor satu, pekerja keras, tulisannya udah diterbitkan dimana-mana, udah presentasi di tingkat internasional, ehhhh...nggak diterima. Kalo gitu pantas sajalah kalau saya yang cuma gini-gini aja ini nggak diterima.

Eh, saya sempat sih nangis dikit, pas teman Russia saya menanyakan. Tapi cuma dikit dan langsung bisa senyum-senyum jahil begitu dia menawari saya pergi makan siang bareng. Hehehe, makasih ya, Kamerad, udah dibayari makan buffet! (hahaah, maruk ya, bener2 nggak mau rugi!) Mungkin dia tahu saya sedih berat dan mencoba menenangkan galau pikir dan hati saya karena nggak diterima dengan membayari makan siang saya kemarin.

Jadi? Ya saya akan pulang kampung. Ketemu dua lelaki tercinta saya lagi. Mengajar murid-murid bandel saya lagi di sini. Makan soto ayam Esto lagi *grin*. Terus terang, mulai kemarin saya mulai melihat segala sesuatu di Ames ini dengan kacamata berbeda. Saya pasti kangen Ames dan orang-orang saya temui di sini. Mata saya sekarang membasah menatap langit Ames yang tengah mendung. Mungkin saya malah tak akan pernah bisa kembali ke sini. Tapi banyak kenangan yang akan saya simpan di hati saya.

Saya bersyukur. Atas segala pengalaman. Atas segala pertemanan. Atas segala penerimaan. Atas segala penolakan. Terima kasih, Tuhan!

Keranjingan selera

2005-03-09T12:00:00.000-06:00


gambar (dan cara masaknya) dicomot dari situs orang Norwegia.	Pernah nggak merasa bahwa di seluruh dunia ini tidak ada soto ayam yang bisa mengalahkan soto ayam Esto? (Hehehe, sori buat yang bukan dari Salatiga. Soto ayam ini dinamai soto Esto karena letak tendanya di teras garasi/bengkel Esto.Tanyalah om ini kalau mau tau persis tempatnya dimana). Atau tidak ada gudeg yang senyamleng gudegnya Bu Tjitro yg bener-bener di Yogya dan bukannya di Jakarta? (soal benar tidaknya ini silakan tanya mas ini atau mas ini atau teman-teman ngangkring yang domisilinya di Ngayojokarto Hadiningrat. Monggo dipunkomentari lho, Mas-mas!)

Atau tidak ada bakso yang sekenyal Bakso Warung Jarot (katanya mas ini sih... kalau saya sih tetep aja suka sama Bakso Planet di Jalan Sukowati di Salatiga). Kalau saat ini, saya merasa tidak ada kopi cappucinno cinnamon plus whipped cream sesedap yang di Gregory's cafe di Ames (Sayang saya gak bawa kamera saat saya nulis ini. Kalau saya bawa pasti sudah saya jepret mug cappucinno di meja saya!). Menurut saya, kopinya Gregory's itu tidak bisa dibandingkan dengan kopi di Stomping Ground (ini di Ames juga) atau bahkan Starbuck Coffee sekalipun!

gambar diambil dari situsnya mbak ini.

Setiap orang punya selera masing-masing tentang makanan/minuman tertentu di tempat tertentu pula. Makanya ada situs internet yang dibikin untuk bagi-bagi info dan pendapat soal tempat-tempat jajan di kota-kota di Indonesia (hayo, kota kamu tersangkut enggak?). Dan yang namanya selera itu sangat subyektif sifatnya. Misalnya, yang menurut saya enak, belum tentu menurut ibu ini enak. Atau malahan, karena kita sama-sama gede di Salatiga, kita sama-sama merasa bahwa lotek monginsidi adalah lotek ternyam-nyam di seluruh jagat raya (bener nggak, Na?). Makanya walaupun memakai bumbu, bahan dan cara masak yang sama, dua resto/warung/tenda belum tentu menghasilkan efek rasa yang sama plek!

Satu lagi yang saya amati dari diri saya sendiri. Yang namanya lidah itu punya ingatan yang kuat akan rasa. Maksudnya begini, kadang-kadang pas kita pertama kali diperkenalkan dengan satu makanan/minuman tertentu di restoran/tenda/warung tertentu, rasa itu pula yang kita jadikan standar rasa untuk jenis makanan yang sama di tempat lain. Contohnya nih, saya pertama kali makan coto makassar di Timika, Papua sono, dan menurut saya cuma coto Makassar jalan Freeport yang paling mantap sedunia. Padahal berulang kali saya diberitahu oleh teman, sodara, kerabat, sahabat, mertua, ipar, bahwa coto makasar paling enak itu yang asli di Makassar alias di Pulau Sulawesi. Mana ada coto Makassar enak kok dari Pulau Papua?

gambar warung Padang di Jalan Kramat Raya Jakarta ini diambil dari sini.

Sama kasusnya dengan makanan Padang. Standar makanan Padang saya adalah yang deket Pasar Timika di Papua nun jauh di sana. Pasalnya saya pertama kali mengenal makanan Padang karena diajak temen-temen saya di Timika buat menjajal resto makanan padang di deket pasar itu. Makanya waktu makan masakan Padang di Jakarta, saya terus saya berpikir-pikir, kok rasanya ada yang nggak pas ya dengan sambel ijo di piring saya? (Adhi, Mas Tugi, Jaha, Atta dan Sava *yg domisili di Jakarta * boleh protes)

Hal lain lagi soal selera, selera itu menurut saya juga bisa diajarkan dan dibiasakan. Misalnya, Jalu anak saya, yang walaupun baru umur 4 tahun lebih dikit, tapi sudah demen dengan segala makanan yang pedes-pedes. Pasalnya, di keluarga saya seleranya masakan pedes-pedesan. Belum lengkap rasanya makan ketupat, opor ayam, dan sambal goreng di hari raya kalau belum ditambahi sambal ulekan Ibu saya yang naudzubillah pedesnya! Sementara itu Yudi suami saya, yang dulu-dulunya paling anti pedes-pedes, semenjak menikah dengan saya yang demen pedes-pedes, lama-lama jadi tahan pedes juga. Bahkan dia akan protes kalau saya menyajikan makanan tanpa ada sambal ulek bikinin saya (yang katanya anak-anak di Ames emang t.o.p b.g.t *promosi diri sendiri hehehe*). Selera ini pula yang mungkin membuat bapak ini membuat standar tertentu atas kadar kemanisan teh manis yang dibuatnya. Buat dia kurang manis, buat orang lain kemanisan!

Nah, menurut Anda bagaimana? Kalau ada tempat-tempat jajan yang enak, bagi-bagi infonya ke saya!

He's Coming!

2005-03-05T11:34:00.000-06:00

Remember that I have this huggggeeeeeeeeee crush on this boy from Mechanicsville, Virginia and wrote 10 reasons why I like him soooooo muchhhhhhh? I even wrote in my friendster profile of persons that I want to meet and I wrote "Jason Mraz (Kapan manggung di Iowa?????? *When you have a performance in Iowa?????*)".

Pam Pearson, upon entering the computer lab this Saturday morning, knowing that I'm a huge fan of him, brought me a very exciting news that Jason Mraz is coming to Des Moines on April 13!!!!!

Oh my God! I can't help jumping around the computer lab since then! I will see him, I will see him, I will see him, I will see him! Definitely, before I leave the US!

See you, Jasonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..................

Blog tambah tenar ya, ckckckckck

2005-03-03T10:31:00.000-06:00

Ternyata situs yg tidak penting (tapi dianggap penting sama lebih dari 13 juta manusia lain di dunia dan saya ikut jadi anggotanya *grin*) ikut-ikutan menyediakan fasilitas blogging di situsnya. Hmm... weblogging jadi fasilitas yang makin tenar nih. Sampe-sampe bapak ini nulis di Jakarta Post edisi 21 Februari tentang betapa weblogging yang oleh kaum muda *dan kaum yg berjiwa muda kayak saya* dianggap sebagai sesuatu fenomena yang tengah ngetrend, bisa menjadi alat pembelajaran yang asyik buat semua kalangan. (Selengkapnya bisa dibaca di blognya yg serius tapi santai ini).

Soal penerapan blogging di pengajaran bahasa Inggris *bidang saya* udah banyak dibahas. Saya sendiri udah pernah bikin tulisan acak adul di sini. Satu aja yg bikin saya concern, yang namanya koneksi internet di Indo, belum bisa mendukung penerapan tehnologi yang berbasiskan internet di sekolah-sekolah. Lha wong akses internet masih dudul, mahal pula, makin sulitlah guru-guru yang sok idealis macam saya dan udah merasakan nikmatnya akses internet di negeri orang yg serba wus-wus-wus dan relatif murah, untuk menerapkan jurus-jurus yg saya dapat setelah kuliah gila-gilaan di sini. Balik-baliknya, teman-teman sesama guru berkomentar, "susah tuh diterapin di sini!". Serba repot!

Tapi, perspektif saya soal ini selalu sama. Kalau suatu tehnologi itu dilihat punya potensi kebaikan, walaupun dana yg ada pas-pasan, pasti diusahakan untuk bisa diadakan. Tapi kalau belum-belum sudah dianggap bahwa tehnologi ini nggak ada potensinya, susah diterapkan, pokoknya yang serba negatif-negatif, ya walaupun punya duit segepok, tetep aja nggak akan dialokasikan itu duit untuk pengadaan tehnologi. Makanya, usaha-usaha untuk membuka mata publik bahwa tehnologi ini punya potensi harus terus-menerus digalakkan.

Ada yang mau berkomentar? Silahkan...

2005-03-02T13:54:00.000-06:00

Tanda-tanda
adalah pertanda
yang tak nyata
tapi ternyata
ada.
: pagi ini aku
berasa muntah
mencium aroma
yang biasanya tak apa.
: tanda pertanda
jiwaku tengah
tertekan dengan
segala kerja ini.

Siangnya aku tertemu
kegagalan terbahak
di sela rapat.
Jadi inilah tanda
pertanda itu!

Iseng-Iseng Selagi Iseng

2005-03-01T22:15:00.000-06:00

Katanya sih:

You Are
35% Left Brained,
65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.

If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.

If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Masak iya? Iya kali?

Berkat: Bayam dan Steak

2005-02-28T01:04:00.000-06:00

menghitung berkat itu
laiknya menjajarkan
kubis bayam bawang
memadukannya di dalam panci
bersama garam
menyajikannya di atas piring
bersama nasi panas
dan secuil tempe
serta sejumput sambal terasi
: nikmatnya tak terkira
di kala perut menagih.

di sebelah orang
menganyang steak ala New Orleans
dengan bumbu barbecue
ditemani kentang tumbuk
dan segelas wine
: biarkan saja, mungkin
memang sudah begitu jatahnya.

menghitung berkat
tak bermaksud membanding
sayur bayam nikmat
steak lengkap enak
memang sudah jatah
saya sayur bayam
dia steak lengkap
cukup.

rindu ilalang

2005-02-26T01:18:00.000-06:00

sejak kapan rindu
jadi ilalang
di musim penghujan?
di negeri empat musim ini
hujan tak jadi garang
membelai ilalang
hingga liar.
: darimana datangnya rindu?

Saya banget...

2005-02-24T10:04:00.000-06:00

Peringatan: Entri blog ini dimaksudkan untuk menjadi entri yang sangat "saya". Kalau Anda tidak berkenan dengan pendekatan penulisan saya terhadap entri ini, silahkan lewatkan saja entri ini!

Apa perbedaan saya dengan teman-teman sekelas saya?

Saya belum pernah membikin survei tentang nilai yang didapat teman-teman sekelas saya di beberapa mata kuliah yang kami ambil di program S2 kami. Tapi rasanya, nilai-nilai yang kami dapat rata-rata adalah A, artinya "sempurna". Artinya kami sama-sama pintar, sama-sama menunjukkan kinerja yang baik, sehingga dosen-dosen kami meng"anugerah"kan nilai sempurna itu.

Saya rasa juga, kami sama-sama serius menyikapi tugas-tugas yang diberikan dosen kami. Kami sadar, sesadar-sadarnya, bahawa untuk menyelesaikan tugas-tugas tersebut butuh waktu, butuh proses, dan kami menjalani setiap proses pengerjaan tugas dengan sangat serius. Tak ada satu tugas pun yang tidak penting. Makanya kami harus super serius mengerjakannya.

Tapi....

Ada perbedaan antara saya dan teman-teman sekelas saya, yaitu....

Saya ini pada dasarnya pemalas.

Misalnya, saya paling enggan kalau disuruh dosen membaca artikel-artikel atau bab-bab buku yang wajib dibaca sebelum kelas. Mendingan saya membaca bertumpuk-tumpuk seri novel Star Trek The Next Generation atau Harry Potter, daripada pusing tujuh keliling berusaha memahami buku Discourse Analysis tulisan Deborah Schiffrin. Akibatnya, saya paling bodoh kalau disuruh mengikuti diskusi dosen saya soal-soal yang berhubungan dengan teori. Apalagi kalau dosennya sekaliber Dr. Carol Chapelle yang, sumpah, hapal di luar kepala segala sesuatu yang pernah beliau baca soal Second Language Acquisition. Misalnya, pernah juga sekali waktu, beliau mengurangi poin di bagian Literature Review salah satu paper saya di kelas beliau karena salah mengambil kesimpulan soal beberapa artikel/paper yang saya pakai. Jelas saja salah, wong saya tidak punya cukup waktu untuk membaca KESELURUHAN artikel (Kapan-kapan saya buka rahasia soal bagaimana mendayagunakan sumber-sumber yang ada untuk menulis paper dalam waktu yang mepet).

Belum lagi kebiasaan buruk saya yang lain: suka menunda-nunda. Yang ini sudah mencapai taraf yang super akut. Misalnya saja, saya pernah menulis paper dalam waktu 7 jam sebelum tenggat waktu pengumpulan paper. Saya bisa banget cuek-cuek main game di komputer, nonton acara TV, jalan-jalan di internet satu hari sebelum tenggat waktu padahal otak saya sibuk menggedor-gedor hati saya untuk mulai mengerjakan tugas. Tapi hati saya santai saja, bahkan sebel dengan otak saya.

Tapi jangan salah. Biarpun saya ini keledai tolol soal teori, soal ide orisinal saya dianggap jago oleh teman-teman sekelas saya. Ide saya biasanya segar, aneh, unik, sehingga menarik untuk ditulis. Jadi walau teori pas-pasan, teman-teman sekelas saya selalu mau tahu hasil riset saya. Dan semembosankan apa pun hasil analisis yang saya dapat, saya selalu bisa menemukan satu poin yang nyeleneh yang membuat teman-teman saya (dan dosen-dosen saya juga) mengeluarkan komentar seru pas saya mempresentasikan paper saya. Meskipun saya hobi menunda pengerjaan tugas-tugas, justru derasnya aliran adrenalin yang saya rasakan akibat stress dikejar tenggat malah membuat saya bisa mengeluarkan ide-ide brilian untuk tugas-tugas saya dan berbuah komentar cemerlang itu tadi.

Mungkin Anda jadi berpikir, wah ini orang beruntung bener. Ya memang, saya selalu menganggap diri untung terus. Logikanya, mana ada orang malas kok dapat hasil sempurna. Ya, mungkin Tuhan masih baik sama saya, hehehehe...

Makanya kalau teman-teman saya memuji kerjaan saya (orang Amrik sini memang royal pujian) saya selalu bilang, "I'm just lucky. Saya cuma untung saja." Sederhana saja kan?

Semoga keberuntungan saya masih mengikuti saya di tahap-tahap selanjutnya. Semoga saja begitu terus.

NB: Sayangnya orisinalitas saya itu nggak nongol di topik thesis saya! Gara-garanya? Ya karena sibuk menunda-nunda proses penulisan proposal, yang berakibat tidak cukup waktu untuk membaca-baca semua literatur (ingat: saya nggak suka membaca literatur), yang mengakibatkan saya tidak tahu bahwa topik thesis saya itu sudah pernah ditulis orang lain! Akhirnya? Terima nasib....

A story of a thesis proposal

2005-02-23T10:56:00.000-06:00

1st draft: 4 pages (not completed)
Date: January 5, 2005

2nd draft: 6 pages
Date: February 3, 2005

3rd draft: 8 pages
Date: February 16, 2005

4th draft: 16 pages
Date: February 22, 2005

Tentative Title: Variations in Interactional Modifications in Synchronous Computer-Mediated Communication According to Task, Dyad Combination, Degree of Politeness and Gender

Comments?
Anne O'Bryan --- You're writing a Ph.D. dissertation, not an M.A. Thesis
Tyasning Nusawardani --- Gile, 16 halaman???? Lu udah gila ya? (Oh my God, 16 pages???? Are you nuts?)
Monica Cardenas --- Will the committee members read it?
Barb Schwarte (my major prof, during revisions) --- What about adding one more research question? (What? One more? But, well, OK...)

Your comments?
Tell me!

Lelah...

2005-02-15T11:59:00.000-06:00

Apa gunanya semua ilmu ini?
Di suatu titik aku berhenti mencari dan bertanya
hari-hariku sebagai siswa mungkin berhenti di titik jenuh.
Kemapanan dan kejenuhan bermain-main di sehariku
hingga aku enggan bertanding
dengan segala bacaan.
dengan segala tulisan.
Aku lelah.
menguji diri.
mengasah otak.
Aku cuma ingin
pulang.

Tales from the Past

2005-02-14T20:40:00.000-06:00

For the last three or four days, I've been utilizing friendster to search for my long lost friends. Not for specific reasons. I'm just cruising in friendster and see if my friends who are considered way older and not from the Internet generation have finally embraced the attack of this website depicting network of friends.

I filled in the search engine with the name of my hometown. And surely I found two of my long lost friends from high school and college. I filled in the search engine with the name of my college. And the result was flabbergasting: I found someone who used to be very close to me and has been lost contact with me for the past six or seven years. Oh my God, I was almost hysterical finding his name.

Surely, I found my mind being flooded with memories and tales from the past. Good ones. Bad ones. Somehow I was wondering if things were different back then, then what would have happened now? But still, I didn't regret what had happened. Things happen for a reason and in this case although I don't know the reason, still, there is a reason. Those tales from the past have surely enriched my life and created the individual that I've become now.

I have to admit that I miss those times and those individuals who used to be dear to me. Old bestfriends. Old places. Old activities. Old times. But then, that is the purpose of memories: to make us feeling blessed of going through them all.

Pemalesan...

2005-02-09T13:49:00.000-06:00

Baru nyadar, kalo ternyata aku butuh sibuk. Kalo nggak sibuk, jadinya males-malesan. Bangun siang. Main internet melulu. Telpon-telponan. Baca novel Star Trek. Pokoknya, melakukan kerjaan-kerjaan yang nggak guna. Useless nggak sih?

Bagaimana caranya memotivasi diri supaya mulai mengerjakan thesis? It's not that I'm not doing something. Paling tidak, aku sudah memastikan kesediaan 80% dari subyekku untuk berpartisipasi dalam data collection thesisku. Paling tidak, aku sudah mulai memikirkan task macam apa yang akan dikerjakan oleh subyek. Baru itu sih, tapi lumayan kan *pembelaan diri banget gak sihhhh*

Harus sibuk, harus sibuk, harus sibuk....

The difficulty of writing a darn thesis proposal

2005-02-05T13:47:00.000-06:00

By day four, my influenza receded...ffhhhuuiiiiii.....

But still. Doc's order: a week in a prisoner a.k.a. my apartment.

So, I tried to work on my thesis proposal. Diligently. Until I found a thesis by previous student. Similar topic. Similar thesis questions. Similar approach. And, I'm freaking out! Shoot! What if, what if, what if...my ego said, I wanted to be different; my brain said, stop acting foolish coz you have no time!

Talked to my roommate. To Tyas. To Yudi. To Anne. For three days, I felt like a stupid moron. Totally punk'd! Finally, yesterday, my ego was cooling down. I must comply that I cannot come up with a new topic in such a short time and replication of previous thesis *with different subjects and slight modifications* is alright (at least, according to Anne).

So, back to my thesis proposal. Finished it near midnight. Send it to my major professor and one of my committee member. Then, went to bed...

Whatever. It's done!

Influenza, oh, influenza!

2005-02-02T09:43:00.000-06:00

Yup, I'm ill. sick. must stay in bed for a week. Doctor's order.

The first time ever in the US, I'm ill with influenza. People here seem to be terrified with this virus, because it's fast spreading and highly contagious. That is probably why the doctor ordered me to stay at home for a week, so that I will not spread the virus to others.

Darn! I lost another week of effective working. In addition to my laziness, this is of course hampering my schedule of completing thesis, presentation, classes. Oh well....I'd better be back to my bed then...

2005-01-25T08:34:00.000-06:00

Sorry, no English version available...

Pernahkah kau melihat
runtuhnya sebuah jembatan batu?
atau sesosok gedung tinggi?
atau tebing terjal di sisi pantai?
Gumpal
demi
gumpal.
Serpih
demi
serpih.

Pernahkah kau merasa
sakitnya tertimpa kegagalan?
atau tusukan kata-kata dalam konflik?
atau kalutnya terlanda keterasingan?
Nyeri
demi
nyeri.
Pedih
demi
pedih.

Lebih baik terterjang mobil
lalu mati seketika di tempat,
daripada terluka parah
berdarah-darah
terkapar
tak berdaya
dalam sunyi
sendiri.

Sama nyerinya sekarang
ketika gumpal demi gumpal
kegagalan
terbingkai wajah tak percaya
akan kemampuan diri
dan menggelontor percaya diri
ke gorong-gorong
terjauh, terdalam.

Sama pedihnya
ketika serpih demi serpih
tuduhan
terbingkai kalimat
menuduh kepercayaan
akan pola filosofis dan
menggores rasa cinta
hingga membelah-belah
hati dengan ketidakberaturan
tak berbentuk.

Dan
pada akhirnya
diri runtuh segumpal demi segumpal,
seserpih demi seserpih.
diri sakit nyeri demi nyeri,
pedih demi pedih.

Dan
diri terluka parah
berdarah-darah
terkapar
tak berdaya
dalam sunyi
sendiri.

(tapi tak butuh dikasihani
sebab kau tak suka itu, bukan?)

After the string concert

2005-01-24T01:14:00.000-06:00

Versi Bahasa Indonesia di sini.

the alluring notes is a story about an old city with palaces as I imagine strolling past midnight in winter with a friend reciting the history of Czar and ballerinas in prominent theatre across an island with Sphinx bridge.

:when are we going to explore the country foreign to summer?

Selepas konser biola

2005-01-24T01:11:00.000-06:00

English version here.

nada musik mengalun ini adalah cerita tentang sebuah kota tua dengan istana yang aku bayangkan aku lewati selewat tengah malam di musim dingin bersama seorang teman yang bercerita tentang sejarah Tsar dan balerina di teater terkemuka di seberang pulau berjembatan sphinx.

: kapan kita berkelana ke negeri yang tak kenal musim panas itu?

Being Cultured

2005-01-22T23:58:00.000-06:00

In a way, my stay in Ames has made me Western-cultured. What I meant by cultured is that I had some opportunities to enjoy arts performances and exhibitions around the town. Although Ames is small in American standard for cities/towns, this city obviously has the resource to pull some of decent arts gatherings to the town.

Last year, I went to Cinderella Ballet Performance with my roommates in Stephen Auditorium. Since then, I had gone to another ballet performance (The Nutcracker) and this Thursday, I'm going to watch St. Petersburg Ballet Company presenting Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I thoroughly enjoyed the performances and the classical music accompanying the dance. Ballet is one of my favorite performance since I was a kid (and figure skating, and gymnastics *ISU has one of the best college team for gymnastics and I have to make a mental note to watch it before I go home to Indonesia) and it was too bad that I could only see them on TV back home. Such performances, if any, would be in Jakarta, and the ticket would be extremely expensive.

I also had some chances to listen to very fine music performances. From the pop-folk side, of course I will never be able to forget John Mayer's concert at Hilton Colliseum in November 2003. I also went to ISU Jazz Bands Concert in Martha-Ellen Tye Recital Hall last year. Just an hour ago, I was invited by the Hertz to watch the Vemeer String Quartet at Ames City Auditorium (they're very active in various organizations in town and Joyce is in the Board Directors of Ames Town and Gown Chamber Music Association, the one invited the Quartet). I definitely will watch Prague Symphony Orchestra in March! I love classical music and it was relaxing listening to the Quartet playing Quartets by Dvorak, Tower and Brahms tonight.

And the campus is full of exhibitions, if you know where to look! I passed works by Christian Petersen, a sculptor who became ISU artist-in-residence, everyday, like Library Boy and Girl at Parks Library. Or Iowa's famous artist Grant Wood's When Tillage Begins, Other Arts Follow fascinating mural still at the Parks Library. Or Border Crossing by Luis Jimenez in front of LeBaron Hall.

There are many things that I want to see before I leave this country, things that I will never be able to see back home, because it is just either non-existent or too expensive. I feel blessed that I have this opportunity to learn about many things here...

Spy from the sky...

2005-01-22T23:09:00.000-06:00

Hmm, wanna see my apartment looks like from the sky?
Check out this spy taking photo of my apartment from above. Oops, actually it's not a spy; it's called TerraServer-USA, "one of the world's largest online databases, providing free public access to a vast data store of maps and aerial photographs of the United States" operated by Microsoft (yaiks... the monopolist again!)

My apartment is the one with red pin. The main road north of it is South 4th Street and the building with vast parking lots is Department of Transportation. I knew that they have a large parking lot (because I have to go through it to get the Red Route Cyride bus quite many times) but I didn't realize that it is even bigger than Hyvee's (somewhere northeast of my apartment, across S 4th Street).

There are goodness in every human being...

2005-01-19T21:30:00.000-06:00

Although the tsunami disaster hit only certain countries, we are all concerned and interrelated...

Iowa State Tsunami Memorial
Announcement here.
Pre-event coverage here.
Event Coverage in Iowa State Daily, Des Moines Register, Ames Tribune (here and here), Channel 13 News.

+ Tengah Upacara Korban Tsunami

2005-01-19T19:06:00.000-06:00

English Version here.

Lilin bernyala
adalah hati kita
yang diterangi
kenyataan pedih
betapa ribuan
yang terhempas
dan dijemput
takdir.

Pertemuan buram
adalah kemanusiaan kita
yang didukakan
tragedi global
betapa ribuan
yang bisa jadi kita
yang menunggu
maut.

Warna-warni
sekumpulan kita
lepaskan jerat
kepicikan warna.
Di sini kita cuma
sekumpulan manusia
tersentuh oleh tragedi
yang sama.
tergerak oleh perasaan
yang serupa.

+ On Tsunami Memorial

2005-01-19T19:05:00.000-06:00

Versi Bahasa Indonesia di sini.

Gleaming candles
are our hearts
lightened with
grim facts
that thousands
are suffering
and
greeted by
fate.

Gloom encounter
is our humanity
saddened by
global tragedy
how thousands
become us then
waiting for
death.

Colorful
our gathering
free us from
the shallowness
of colors.
Here we're merely
human beings
touched by
the same tragedy.
moved by
the same feeling.

Pencarian Prioritas

2005-01-18T20:46:00.000-06:00

English Version here.

Siapakah kita
terkurung dalam
segala relasi
dan konsekuensi?
Jadinya kita
membuat jenjang
kepentingan atas
segala relasi.
Dan jadinya konflik
relasi jadi saling tindih.
Apa parameter
jenjang itu?
(Ketika kau tanya
aku jadi tergagu,
sebab aku tak tahu
atau aku menghindari?)
Kita terjebak
Kita terkondisi
Kita melawan (mungkin)
Kita pasrah (lebih mungkin)
Kita berkompromi (amat sangat mungkin)
Terserah.

Quest of Priority

2005-01-18T20:40:00.000-06:00

Versi Bahasa Indonesia di sini.

Who are we
stuck in
varied relationships
and consequences?
Then we
make a list
of priority on
those relations.
Then it
becomes
conflicts
relationships are
overlapping.
What are
the parameters
of priority?
(When you asked
I muted,
because
I was clueless
or I avoided
the subject?)
We're trapped
We're conditioned
We fight (perhaps)
We surrender (more likely)
We compromise (very high probability)
Whatever.

ISU community's effort for tsunami victims

2005-01-12T17:04:00.000-06:00

What have you done to help? (Lucas Grundmeier, Iowa State Daily Editor in his editorial)

My response.

What have you done to help?

Untuk matahari

2005-01-10T13:43:00.000-06:00

English version here.

Kepergian matahari
ditangisi hingga
butiran salju
berderai melimpahi
jalanan depan apartmentku.

Kurindui matahari
di pagi hari.
Kucumbui kerling malu-malunya
di siang hari.
Kubenci perginya
di sore hari.

Sebab hadirnya yang
irit itu
melahirkan senyum
di gemeretuk gigiku.
Dan optimismeku
yang hampir menguap
ditelan beku
menyublim menjadi
harap baru
bahwa hari ini
tak sedingin hari kemarin
dan kerja hari ini
tak terhenti
terganjal letih
menanti matahari.

To the Sun

2005-01-10T13:38:00.000-06:00

Versi Bahasa Indonesia di sini

The sun left
bringing tears of
the snowflakes
pouring down
in the street of my apartment

I miss the sun
in the morning.
I flirt with its shy wink
during the day.
I despise its exit
in the afternoon.

Because its
rare existence
gives birth to the smile
on my shivering lips.
And my optimism
almost vaporized
engulfed by the freeze
melts to
a new hope
that today is
less colder that yesterday
and today's work
will not be halted
trampled by weary
waiting for the sun.

Dingin-Dingin Kedinginan di Musim Dingin

2005-01-07T18:35:00.000-06:00

Biar ada cerita ke anak cucu soalnya dinginnya salju, baiknya kita foto2an aja ya dengan latar belakang salju. Si Tyas yg udah tiga kali ngerasain musim dingin, ternyata gak punya foto bersama salju. Ya udah, gue culik aja ya!

Kesimpulan masih sama kayak winter tahun lalu:

Snow, it looks beautiful, but it doesn't feel beautiful....

2005-01-07T18:30:00.000-06:00

Siap tempur melawan dingin!

2005-01-07T18:29:00.000-06:00

Tangan dua2nya masuk jaket...

2005-01-07T18:28:00.000-06:00

Ini ya yang namanya salju?

2005-01-07T18:27:00.001-06:00

Saljunya sama ajah..

2005-01-07T18:27:00.000-06:00

Kalo disentuh gimana ya?

2005-01-07T18:26:00.001-06:00

Pake sarung tangan ajah nyentuh saljunya, biar gak dingin!

2005-01-07T18:26:00.000-06:00

Coba kita sentuh saljunya...

2005-01-07T18:24:00.000-06:00

Tyas: Dingin ya Nen?
Neny: Iyaaaaaaaa.....

2005-01-07T18:23:00.000-06:00

Tyas: Klo dingin kita pose senyum aja, Nen, biar gak keliatan dingin...

2005-01-07T18:21:00.000-06:00

Neny: Tapi tetep kerasa dingin, Yas, walo udah senyum lebar...
Tyas: Ya udah, kita nempel aja biar agak angetan....hehehe..

2005-01-07T18:20:00.000-06:00

Pose sendiri, masih kedinginan juga ya...Ini di Central Campus...dingin!

2005-01-07T18:19:00.001-06:00

Di Lake Laverne, dingin juga!

2005-01-07T18:19:00.000-06:00

Maksa senyum aja ya, biar keliatan menikmati winter...

2005-01-07T18:15:00.000-06:00

Ini di deket apartment temen, masih dingin juga

2005-01-07T18:14:00.000-06:00

Matahari terik tapi dinginnya tetep!

2005-01-07T18:11:00.000-06:00

Di depan apartmentku dingin juga! Lama-lama mukanya udah bt abis...

Latest happenings

2005-01-07T02:03:00.000-06:00

1/ Thesis proposal = 1/3 done
2/ PhD application = none done :(
3/ Organizing vigil/memorial service for Aceh tsunami victims = 1/10 done
4/ Finding a course for Spring 2005 = no response so far :(
5/ Translation Project with Aceh IT-Media Center = 4 articles done
6/ Looking for more $$$ = today is the latest day of working with IES for Spring Orientation! Yay!

Reflection on the earthquake by Emha Ainun Nadjib

2005-01-01T16:43:00.000-06:00

Forgive me oh God..for not believing in your omnipotent power and wisdom in deciding what is best for us, weak human beings....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mountains, Don’t Erupt Too

By Emha Ainun Nadjib

From Kompas Newspaper, December 29, 2004 (Indonesian's version)

Any mistakes in translation is solely mine.

FOR Aceh disaster, I must see Kiai Sudrun. Can words describe its great impact? Can literature express its depth of sorrow? Can science find and calculate its meanings? The expression of Sudrun’s ugly face with saliva kept crawling out from the corner of his lips almost enraged me. Because I couldn’t tell if he was in grief or not. Because, I will kill anyone who does not grief the grim of the disaster and the sorrow of the victims whose soul were shattered.

“Jakarta deserves the disaster way much more than Aceh!” I blurted.

“You also deserve the destruction,” Sudrun replied with his words, which as always, stabbed my heart.

“Then, why Aceh, not me nor Jakarta?”

“Because you are engaged with the depravity of the world, while Acehnese are married with heaven.”

“Acehnese have gone through the most severe and tremendous sufferings in the recent years, compared to the people in the whole country. Why they are put in such an abyss of sorrow?”

“Suffering is the most expensive deed human beings can offer to their God. Therefore their degree is heightened, and you are left behind to continue being low.”

“Including you, Kiai…”

Spat! He spitted on my face. Like always. I wiped it out in patience.

“If it was a punishment, what have they done wrong? If it was a warning, why it was not given to the mob of thieves and corruptors in Jakarta? It was a trial, has God not fed up with the confusion and fear the Acehnese felt in the midst of never-ending political and military war?”

Sudrun was laughing uncontrollably. None I understood what was the funny part of my questions. His body was shaken in laughter.

“You examine God? Question God? Blame God for his injustice?” he asked.

I answered firmly, “Yes.”

“What if God remains silent?”

“I will keep questioning him. And I know all Indonesian will keep questioning him.”

“Until when?”

“Until forever!”

“Until death calls?”

“Yes!”

“Until you die?”

“Nuts!”

“You are nuts. You logic is insane. It’s better to question why your knowledge failed to find out that the earthquake would strike Aceh. You don’t even now what you will say in the next five minutes. Neither you know how many hairs in your armpit. You’re coward. Why you only question God’s acts. Why don’t you go into battle against God? We will move from His land, move from His universe, then you roll the drums of war, against Him!”

“I came to you, Kiai, “I shouted, “to discuss things that will prevent me of accusing God of being a dictator and authority…”

In response, Sudrun jumped up and down. And his whole body was shaken in laughter. His lips smiled widely, mocking me.

“You are wicked,” said he, “because you want to avoid duties.”

“What duties?”

“The moral duty of admitting that God is a dictator and authority. The duty to admit it, to find His logic, then to accept it, and finally to achieve the pleasure of letting it go. God is the only one, who has the right of being dictatorial and authorial, as a painter has the right to love his/her paintings, or to rip them up and throw them to the garbage. God has no obligations because He is not indebted to anyone, and His existence is not the result of anyone’s work. He is not tied to good or evil because He WAS the creator of good and evil. God does not have to comply with right or wrong, because indeed the right or wrong which must comply to Him. Ainun, Ainun, what are you doing? Here, here…” He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the wall. “I’ll lend you this wall…”

“What do you mean, lending me this wall?” I did not understand.

“Use it as you want.”

“For what?”

“For instance, you can bang your head against it…”

“Crazy!”

“To bang your head against the wall is the initial learning step which is good for your way of thinking at the present.”

He brought me to sit.

“Or you can be god, and you decide what is good for human beings’ destiny, based on your wisdom.” He held on my upper shirt.

“Do you know Muhammad?” he continued, “Do you know him? The Prophet Muhammad shallallahu ’alaihi wa alihi wasallah, you know him? He is the jewel of human beings because he chose to live as a poor. Never did he feed himself full in three days in a row, because by the second day he had no possession of food. He sown his own clothes and fixed his own sandal. The dimension of his house was 4.80 long and 4.62 wide. God loved him the most among other human beings, because God let people of Thaif village to throw stones on him that he bleed his forehead. God even let him be severely ill because Zaenab, a Jewish woman, poisoned him. God let his first grandchild to be poisoned by his own wife. And the second grandchild was beheaded and the head was dragged hundreds of kilometers by the horses, thus forced him to bury the child in two graves. God guaranteed him to be in heaven, but he was always in fear of God and cried in each of every prayer that he lifted to God. And all of you, your job is to steal, your action is low, your politic is rotten, your attention to God is divided and half-hearted, you expect to have a better destiny than Muhammad? And when disaster strikes you, you blame God?”

Sudrun pushed me in full power that I fell.

“Kiai,” I said in half voice, “I want to keep my faith that the main icon of God’s existence is His nature of being Compassionate (Rahman) and Merciful (Rahim)…”

“It is very true,” he answered. “What made you lose your faith?”

“Because of Aceh, Kiai, Aceh…For Aceh, I’m willing to receive your spit.”

“I didn’t spit on you. What happened is not that I spitted on you. What happened is that you deserve the spit.”

“As you wish, Kiai, as long as the Compassion and Merci…”

“Compassionate is love in broadened sense, Merci is love in deepened sense. Compassionate is a social love, Merci is the love from the deep of the heart. Why?”

“Aceh, Kiai, Aceh.”

“Compassionate licked Aceh from the ocean, Merci sucked Aceh from the center of the earth. The noblest human being is the one which immediately separated by God from the world. Angels bring them directly to heaven where they reside in the houses of lights, readily available for them. To their families left behind, the destroyed villages and cities are their battle of trial so that the Acehnese come out as people with great characters. After this trial, God will help them to rise and find the hero within their soul. The disaster was made to be that enormous, so that it will solve all problems between Aceh and Indonesia that has brought so much misery for them. Acehnese and Indonesians are now free from psychological blocks which have been imprisoning them, because their tears and sorrow will be melt together, and new historical decisions and changes will occur to ease both sides.

“But it was too horrid, Kiai, and it is difficult to imagine how the victims can bear such misery.”

“The world is not the main stage for human beings. If for you, people who live are safe and those who died are not safe, you must first throw away the concepts of God and eternity from your life values. If for you, the houses which are still standing, the worldly possessions which were safe, and the lives which were spared means goodness; and the opposite is bad --- stop protesting God. Because it means that God has no existence in the scale of your thoughts, and for you life stops when you die.”

“But why God took the lives of His innocent servants, and let the nation criminals and society evils live in abundant?”

“Maybe God is not satisfied if those evils do not stay long in hell. So, He let them double their sins and stupidity. Did it happen before that God took many good prominent figures in your country to His eternity; and on the contrary, the ones whom you pray for God to take their lives because they are awfully evil to their people are granted to live long?”

“Oh God Almighty,” I sighed, “we all and myself, Kiai, do not have the sophisticated and precise mind in the caliber of what God has displayed in His action.”

“Don’t act as if you never know the patterns of God’s actions. If human beings’ heart is sick, and they let it worsened so that their politic is disgusting, the economy is shattered, and the culture is full of mockery to the human values, God will even add up the sickness, and provide them with a more devastating disaster which will await them in the end. What happened in Aceh is not a disaster in God’s perspective. It is an exultation to those whose lives were taken by the angels, and an enlightenment and awakening for those who were let alive.”

“For us the commoners, it all still seemed unfair…”

“You stupid!” Sudrun retorted. “Chickens are joyful and grateful if they are butchered for the contentment of human beings. They had no awareness of knowing, but they are joyful and grateful.”

“So the corruptors and tyrants will still live prosperous?”

“Until this afternoon, yes. Actually God still loves them that for the last one or two months, He still gave warnings, in the form of natural, technology and human disasters, in higher frequencies than the previous months. But, they failed so God decided to bring a greater warning. If the greatness of Aceh disaster did not move the hearts of Jakarta to learn to be more humble, there is a chance…”

“Don’t say that the mountains will erupt too, Kiai.” I cut his words, horrified to imagine what Sudrun will tell next.

“Tell it yourself to the mountains!” said Sudrun, rose and left me.

“Kiai!” I jumped and chased him,” Please tell God to take a break from his decision to create natural disasters….”

“Why you called it natural disasters? If you blame God, why don’t you call it God disasters?”

I can’t hold Sudrun. He ran and disappeared.

Emha Ainun Nadjib
Literary Figure

If you want to donate or volunteer for South Asia Earthquake and Tsunami...

2004-12-29T13:02:00.000-06:00

I have no cash, I have no aids to spare, but this is the least that I can do: contribute some contact information for people who wish to donate or volunteer for Indonesian victims.

Please refer to The South-East Asia Earthquake and Tsunami, who has created an Emergency Database in Wikinews that lists any information and help for the disaster. For specific Indonesian information, please refer to Indonesia Help Blog or Aceh IT Media Center.

My condolences and prayers for those affected.

No coverage, no money

2004-12-28T09:36:00.000-06:00

I have been watching CNN these days for updates in tsunami disaster and found that Indonesia was not widely covered in news. This struck me hard, as Aceh and Nias probably experienced the hardest hit due to its closeness to the epicenter of the earthquake (about 255 kms away).

Understandable. Aceh has been pretty much closed to the outer world due to the conflicts happening in the area. As far as I know, no foreign journalists set foot there. Our government did not allow it and their government advised them not to go there. It is therefore understandable that when the disaster hit, practically no journalists covered the first hit of the tidal wave.

Plus, the infrastructure of communication in the area is not adequate and of course practically cut out by the disaster. Until now, there is no official count on how many deaths and casualties in Indonesia, compared to the quick counts of other countries affected by the earthquake. This is especially hard considering the vast geography of Indonesia. In addition to being so vast, aids are not easily delivered because, again, we have no advanced communication and transportation means. I'm particularly concerned with small tiny islands of Nias because with the severity of the disaster, it is possible that those islands were simply wiped out from the map and no survivors could tell the numbers and the horror of the tragedy.

Speculations of the media are flying: where's the warning system? why didn't they set it up? why the aids are not readily available? where's the assistance system? Oh well, Mr. and Ms. know-it-all, our country is poor. If there is any money left (which in our case, never happened), we need it to feed and clothe and educate and support the other 200 million something of our people. A warning system might cost only a few million US dollars, but unfortunately we just don't have it. We're poor. We're broke. Simply that.

In my previous post, I sounded like I was blaming God for this disaster. Well, no. Probably it's just a reflection of my inability as a human being to deal with the situation. Probably it's just because I'm tired of what has been happening in Aceh (which our government failed to solve the conflicts and to meet the demands of Acehnese). Therefore I'm looking for a way to explain this whole situation. But, simply put, there is no way to explain this.

What matters is what to do to help, to aid, to assist the people affected by the tsunami. Well, I have one complaint again really. Indonesia should receive more aids because the fact is our area suffer the most of the tidal waves. Oh, No, I should quit complaining for the thing that I have no power to change. The prayer remains: God gives, God takes.....

Natural Disaster or God's warning?

2004-12-27T13:55:00.000-06:00

Probably God thought, I'm bored with these human beings killing each other in Aceh.

Maybe God thought, I'm bored of practically no fun thing in this heaven.

Perhaps God thought, I need to give a little of lesson to weak human beings.

And then, the earthquake hit. hard. no escape. 9.0 scale richter. 10 meter high tidal wave tsunami. December 26. A day after Christmas. 8 o'clock in the morning in Sumatra.

For whatever reasons, I don't know, tsunami hit, came unnotice, brought many miseries, took thousand of lives, and then simply disappeared.

Is God a loving creature? Is God a kid playing tricks? Is God a wise figure? I have no say in this. I don't want to blame. God is so powerful that human mind is simply too weak to understand. What matters is what human being can do to help each other. It is time to start thinking of what I can do for other beings locally and globally. We're in this trouble together and I believe there is only one way to do this: unite.

Here in Ames, my mind goes to Aceh, Nias, Srilanka, Thailand, India, Somalia, to piles of bodies laying helpless on the ground.

God gives, God takes....my deepest sympathy to those who suffer from this disaster. Only to God we surrender our fate...

To Monica, Emily at IIE, Vadim, Raul, Patricio, Moises: thanks for your concerns. My family is safe and sound back home, but I still grief for my country.

2004-12-24T17:19:00.000-06:00

Ketika sendiri
adalah teman
tak tertolak
apa jawabmu?

Cintailah kesendirian
itu karena
begitu kesadaran
itu tiba akan
ketidakberdayaan
mengubah hati
kau akan
terhempas
di karang-karang
kedangkalan hati
yang ternyata
menebar perih.

Kesendirian adalah
introspeksi akan
citra diri sendiri
ketika dunia
tak memberi tempat
untuk menyandarkan
hati.

Ternyata
segala ini adalah
fana dan
tiada.
Hari lalu
berarti
Hari esok
pergi.

Dia juga fana.
Dia juga tiada.
Pada akhirnya
sendirilah si sobat
sejati, meski
perih menukik.

(Tidakkah dia rasa
mengapa sepi ini
menggigit melebihi
gigilnya salju musim ini?)

For a bestfriend who left wounded... Leave me, if you feel so. The door is always open if you want to come back. I don't think you'll come back anyway...

Result of Fall semester...the price of being a proscrastinator?

2004-12-24T01:20:00.000-06:00

Good results for Fall semester. Still keep the excellent GPA. Still one course in question though, the professor has not changed my Incomplete grade to a full grade. I've sent her email, asking what is the problem. I also checked with my practicum mate, and she said that the prof thought we did an interesting job. She got A for it, so I guess I should get some similar grade too. Hopefully.

Honestly, I don't believe I'm that good with school. I mean, I'm the procrastinator, I'm the lay back student, I'm the last minute student. But, the fact is, I still have the excellent GPA. Am I that good? Do I really deserve an A? I don't know. I guess my 'packaging' of the idea was not good. I always had problems with my language, grammar. Yet, my ideas seemed always work. I know that if I didn't wait until the very last minute for doing my papers I could always check my grammar and my language, but hell no, of course I didn't have time to check again.

I'm not sure if I can get an A for my thesis. I haven't done a thing about it. Again, the lazy Neny is just waiting for the last minute to get the adrenaline rush. Wish me luck!

Pikneg = Pikiran Negatif

2004-12-23T01:23:00.000-06:00

Lagi2 baca blog yg agak2 'menyentil' ego. Perasaan negatif saya sih, ini blog bener-bener narsis, pamer, dan hedonis. Tapi ya masak iya sih, blog ini pamer doang? Atau mungkin saya lagi dilanda rasa iri? Karena nggak bisa bikin pencapaian yg macam itu? Atau saya mungkin sedang diliputi rasa rendah diri? Karena dari kemarin cuman gini-gini doang dan gak bisa bikin hal-hal yg bikin orang berkomentar penuh sanjungan.

Harus mulai mawas diri nih....

Satu hari di kehidupan Neny selama liburan...

2004-12-22T13:09:00.000-06:00

Minggu kedua hari kedua liburan semester Fall alias Christmas break.

Bangun jam 9, telpon Yudi. Yudi capek, jadi gak ngobrol lama.

Bangun jam 10, ditelpon Yudi. Yudi mo ngobrol, tapi masih capek, dan aku masih ngantuk (semalem begadang telpon-telponan ke kampus Salatiga), jadi gak jadi ngobrol lama.

Bangun jam 12.41, karena badan udah minta bangun aja sih. Langsung telpon T-mobile, inget tagihan belum datang. Bakal dikirim ulang, semoga gak telat bayar.

Sambil telpon T-mobile, nyalain laptop. Buka email, satu account kampus, satu account yahoo. Dapat email dari profesor, surat rekomendasi udah jadi. Approve email ke mailing list alumni di Yahoo! Groups. Delete, delete, delete.

Cek account langganan buku di The Literary Guild, celaka, gak pesen kok dikirimi buku, gak pernah aku terima lagi, bikin email komplain. Satu-satunya cara yg manjur di Amrik ini, begitu gak suka, langsung komplain!!!!

Baru inget, tgl 22 ini ya? Nilai semester Fall harusnya dah keluar. Masuk ke AccessPlus. Weits, Grades are temporarily unavailable. Banyak yg gak sabar liat nilai rupanya sampai server kewalahan. Coba lagi entar. Baru nyadar. Bahaya nih, kalau santai-santai dan gak panik gini biasanya nilai jeblok. Ini kebiasaan dari jaman SD. Jadi panik!

Cek blog, ada pesan dari Nana, bales pesennya. Liat-liat komen di HaloScan, menjelajah featurenya, tapi gak bikin perubahan apa-apa.

Trus ngeblog ini.

Abis ini ngapain ya? Rencana besarnya sih mau mulai nulis Statement Of Purpose utk lamaran ke Ph.D. Sama mau mulai nulis proposal thesis. Sama mau mulai ngerjain bahan presentasi konferensi TESOL di San Antonio, Texas. Rencana besar. Paling-paling jadinya main Yahoo! Games. Paling-paling jadinya telpon-telponan. Paling-paling jadinya baca novel. Rencana besar. Rencana besar apa?

Kok sepi gini ya?

Mo telpon Yudi, ini udah dini hari di Indo, lagian dia lagi capek banget (dan seneng banget karena backpack gunung REI yg aku titipin Lavin dah sampe dgn selamat. Thanks, Lavin!) . Mo telpon Tyas, dari hari Senin telponku gak pernah diangkat (Ada sesuatu yg salah, ada sesuatu yg mengganjal, tapi aku tak pasti...). Mo telpon siapa lagi ya?

Sendiri, sepi, salju. Kombinasi mematikan.

Perutku keroncongan. Aha! Aku tahu apa yg harus kulakukan selanjutnya: makan.

Abis itu?

.................

Me, officially a professor?

2004-12-22T03:09:00.000-06:00

Called my campus back home today and found out that my employment status is now a permanent professor. What the h**l? A permanent professor?

Oh well, this is a good news. At least my status is now elevated to the level that it is difficult to fire me. Before coming to US, my status was a temporary professor, among those who were indispensable. It was really easy to fire me, because my contract was only for a year and needed to be renewed each year. It all depended on the need of the department in meeting the ratio between number of professors and students. I guess after my paperwork to the Regional Office of Higher Education Directorate was accepted and I received the position of assistant professor according to the law, my campus automatically adjusted my position. Meaning salary raise. Meaning benefits.

The trouble that I face now is that they expect me to come back to Indonesia, as soon as I complete my Master. And of course, it will hamper my plan for Ph.D. I can always do Ph.D. later, but I want it now, while it is easier for me to get accepted.

Oh well, let me do the talk and see if it works.

Winter is here...

2004-12-21T13:27:00.000-06:00

Snowing again...starting yesterday...minus 15 degree celcius....hate going out in the wilderness of coldness!

Yup, my opinion about snow has not changed from last year: it looks beautiful, but it doesn't feel beautiful. A friend tried very hard to convince me that snow is fun, but it just doesn't work. I'm a tropical girl and snow is not my thing.

But really, it's something in the upbringing of individuals. I, who was grown up in a tropical paradise, warm and sunny the whole year, of course I will find winter annoying. Imagine: the numbness of my fingers and face because of the coldness; the hassle of coat, scarf, hat, mittens, boots; the slippery roads; the depressing scenery of trees and lots of others, and tons of complaints. But for my friend, who was originally from Russia (way, way, way much colder than Iowa), winter is the favorite time of the year: the freshness of the air; the fun winter games of skiing, skating, and hockey; and other merriments and tons of joy. See, how different we view the same thing.

Anyhow, winter is officially here. And I'm stuck in Ames Iowa during the Christmas break. Fun? I don't think so. Except if you find regular meal followed by ice cream, videos, novels, computer games, visits to bookshops and cinemas absolutely fun *of course, this is my way of cynically saying that it is not fun*. I think in a way spending my break in Ames is sort of fun, not on the activities, but more on the freedom of doing what I want, without worrying too much if I can meet the deadlines of paper or assignment submissions. THAT is FUN.

Still I envy Monica, Moises, Maja, Chris, Pam, Cristian, Lavin, Ching Hui, Kurie, Evi, Michael, Raymond, Refina, for being able to go far, far away from Ames, Iowa; even to a warmer place, to spend this break.

Have fun, Guys! I'll manage to have some fun here.

BTW, I'm invited to a Christmas lunch and dinner this weekend by the Hertz. Hopefully it will bring a little spark in my boring routine.

2004-12-21T13:21:00.000-06:00

The view of ISU Central Campus. Believe me, it's freezing cold walking down to Beardshear Hall!

2004-12-21T13:20:00.000-06:00

The sky and the branch is so depressing....

On the Definition of "Friend"

2004-12-20T01:05:00.000-06:00

Does anyone know what the definition of friend is?

I'm sort of thinking about the word and how it entails the many aspects of my life. Like social life. Like venting feelings. Like assistance. Like dependency. Like assurance. Like long lasting bonding. Hmm, I'm seriously thinking if it also entails my existence in this only earth, my self-image, and my self-confidence.

You see, I'm very nervous about what others think of me. I hate being hated. I hate being ignored. Attention Deficit, that's me. I like being the center of attention. And having no friends is like the end of the world. Period.

Back to the definition of friend, dictionary.com defines in 3 (three) definitions. That much for a simple word:

1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

First definition, hmm, now the like and trust part is the one that I'm worried about. Certainly most of the time I feel that I'm not likeable or trustable. Will my friends consider me as a friend who is likeable and trustable? I don't think so.

I obviously have no problem with the second definition. I mean, oh yeah, people know me. Yet, I'm not sure if I just want to be known. I need to elevate the level of acquintance into a higher level, like in the first definition. The problem is, will I be capable of being likeable and trustable. Likeable, maybe, but trustable? Last month a friend (or should I say an acquintance) commented that I gave too many empty promises. Often times, I could not fulfill my promises. Of course, I should refer the comment she made to the context of our conversation. Still, it stung and it hurt a bit. Am I really not that trustable?

A comrade, the third definition, a person with whom we struggle together for a cause. I can categorize my classmates as my comrades, a.k.a. friends. I can also put my Fulbright fellows as friends, because we share many idealism and we fought for getting the scholarship. Probably, this definition is more on the realm of idealism, ideas, thoughts, opinions, rather than in private area, like in the first definition.

Looking back to these definitions, I think the difference lies in the realms in which such relationship with the person occurs. If the private area is what one seeks, then s/he has to fulfill the like and trust criteria. In ideas level, the third definition is more applicable. If no feelings attached, the second will work best.

I don't know. I'm all confused. I guess at this very moment, I do seek a friend whom I like and trust. I do have some friends who are more like comrades. And of course, hundreds of acquintances under my waist. From my point of view, I do have those kinds of friends. I call many of them my friends. But the twist is from others' point of view: will I be able to be a friend, a truly friend whom one can know, like, trust, and share ideas?

I doubt it.

Photos and more photos..

2004-12-06T11:24:00.000-06:00

Just in case you want to see my latest face, please go to here. I posted the pictures of Jana's wedding and rehearsal dinner, my trip to Minneapolis and ISU tour with Jana and Pieter's friends, as well as the final party for my practicum class with Jung-Ah and Ching Hui.

As for work, not near completion yet...gosh...

Thanksgiving weekend

2004-11-26T13:56:00.000-06:00

Oh well, break is not a break after all. This weekend starting on Thursday, I'm deeply involved in Jana's and Pieter's wedding preparation. Here's a quick list of my part:

Thursday : Thanksgiving lunch with Vaughn family (this is Jana's great grandparent), song practice
Friday: Campus tour (to Pieter's friends from D.C), rehearsal dinner at Bali Satay
Saturday: Wedding ceremony and reception (I'll be the song leader, poem reader, and personal attendant)

Got to run, another tour to do!

Tuesday in Thanksgiving is .... talking about my own country

2004-11-23T23:03:00.000-06:00

So...here's the second day of thanksgiving break? Me? Doing my assignments? Nooooooo....not me :P

As usual, every break that I have so far in the US, be it Thanksgiving or Spring break, I am always involved in International Friendship Fair by YWCA. In this program, we visit elementary schools around Ames, to talk about our country. I, being a very gooooooooddddd ambassador of my country Indonesia and as a very highly motivated Fulbrighter, will not miss any chances to present my country!

Today, I woke up at 6 AM *which is verrrrryyyyyy earlyyyyyyy in this cold morning of Iowan Fall*, called Yudi *kind of giving a report of where I'm going to do today*, and got ready. I have prepared a poster with various postcards depicting Indonesian sceneries, two CDs of Indonesian traditional music, a batik material, a Sumba scarf, four shadow puppets characters *Bima, Arjuna, Semar and Anoman*, and a big map of Indonesia. And off I went!

We went to Franklin elementary school in Boone, Iowa. Boone is 30 miles West of Ames and it took about 30 minutes to the school. We rode a yellow school bus. Yes! A school bus! First time for me and for most of us! There were eleven countries present: Canada, Costarica, Nepal, Indonesia, Peru, Uruguay, India, Jordan, Latvia, Spain and Ecuador. The school itself is a 400-students school consisting of 3, 4 and 5 grades. I was scheduled to give a 30 minutes presentation to five 5 graders.

Of course, I talked about the 13,000 islands that we have, 300 something languages that we speak, the puppet shadow, the school system, the weather and my favorite one: playing elephant, human and ant finger game! *it's like paper, rock and scissor here*.

Fun, fun, fun...I always love doing IFF and I definitely will do it again in Spring!

Assignments and stuffs

2004-11-19T10:25:00.000-06:00

To do list:

1/ English 517 Annotated Bibliography --- 15 readings and summaries!
2/ English 516 Final project --- The different use of "under" and "below" from the perspective of Corpus-based Grammar and Functional Systemic Grammar
3/ English 528 Final Project --- English for Mexican Restaurant Waiters
4/ English 588 --- Practicum Final Report, Reflections, and Portfolio
5/ Thesis --- Proposal, POS forms
6/ PhD Application --- Statement of Purpose, Research Proposal, documents (meaning contacting Indonesia, professors, etc)
7/ TESOL conference --- Case Study, Paper, Presentation
8/ TESOL Electronic Village Seminars --- Proposal
9/ Women around the World Panel Discussion --- Presentation
10/ Permias --- Ideas for Indo Night Event
11/ Fulbright Association --- Contact National Association, Fulbright alumni
12/ others??????

Thanksgiving break??? Do I have thanksgiving break??? Help!!!!

Lebaran di Ames....

2004-11-14T20:55:00.000-06:00

OK, apakah bedanya lebaran di Amerika Serikat dengan lebaran di Indonesia?

1/ Sholat Ied
Saya mengikuti sholat ied di masjid Darul Arqum di kota Ames dan tentu saja tidak ada yg namanya sholat di lapangan! Pasalnya, bulan ini sudah memasuki musim gugur dan bahkan sudah hampir musim dingin. Jadi...kalau harus sholat di lapangan para jemaah akan jadi es batu dengan sukses! (suhunya nih sekitar 4-7 derajat Celcius) Makanya, kami sholat ied di dalam masjid dan sholat dimulai jam 8.45 pagi! Eng, ing, eng...padahal kalau di Indonesia biasanya sholat sudah dimulai jam 7 pagi. Maklum, di sini kayaknya jam saya jadi muter-muter gak karuan karena harus menyesuaikan jam berapa matahari terbit dan tenggelam.

Jemaah sholat juga bermacam-macam alias internasional. Ada yg dari Pakistan dan pake baju sari warna-warni. Ada yg dari negara-negara Afrika dengan jilbab yang aduhai cantiknya. Ada yg dari negara-negara Timur tengah dengan jubah panjang-panjang. Dan ada juga yg 'nyempil' dari Indonesia, pakai baju koko dan kopiah!

Sehabis acara sholat ied, biasanya kalau di Indonesia saya akan langsung ngabur pulang mencari ketupat dan opor ayam, tapi di Ames, kami bisa makan kue donat dan juice jeruk yang disediakan oleh masjid. Yum! *tapi masih kangen ketupattttttt*

2/ Kumpul-kumpul
Yang namanya lebaran, pasti identik dengan kumpul-kumpul. Nah, di Ames ini, sehabis dari masjid, komunitas Indonesia juga bikin acara kumpul-kumpul dan makan-makan. Kalau di Indonesia (atau di Salatiga, tempat kelahiran saya), makanannya pasti gak jauh-jauh dari menu ketupat, opor ayam dan sambel goreng.

Di Ames? Ketupat sih ada, tapi bikinnya nggak pake janur, karena di Ames sini (yg fyi di Iowa, di tengah-tengah Amerika, jauh dari pantai) nggak ada daun janur! Ketupat harus dibikin dengan cara yang kreatif, alias pake kantong plastik! Plus opor ayam, tidak perlu bikin dari bumbu-bumbu dasar soalnya susah nyari bumbunya. Kami memanfaatkan tehnologi bumbu jadi! Hidup bumbu cap Bamboe!!!! Selain opor ayam, ada juga yg bikin semur, rendang, sampai risoles, kue kastengel, dan krupuk udang. Pokoknya, asal menunya Indonesia, menu lebaran kami cukup bervariasi. Hmm, jadi kangen rumah!

3/ Abis kumpul-kumpul
Di Indonesia, biasanya ada tradisi pergi ke makam atau pergi ke rumah tetangga (untuk bermaaf-maafan, atau mengganyang lebih banyak makanan, hueheheh). Di sini? Hmm, sehabis kumpul-kumpul, saya balik ke apartment, mulai meneruskan kerjaan saya yang masih bertumpuk! Hiks..hiks...

Apapun bentuk lebarannya, yang pasti saya selalu lebih kangen lebaran di Indonesia. Suasananya, makanannya, semua lebih terasa berarti kalau saya ada di Indonesia, bersama keluarga besar saya. Tapi...yang penting intinya lebaran adalah merayakan hari kemenangan setelah sebulan penuh berpuasa dan saling bermaaf-maafan dengan orang-orang terdekat kita. Jadi bersama posting ini, di mana pun Anda, ijinkan saya meminta maaf atas segala kesalahan yang telah saya perbuat baik sengaja mau pun tidak disengaja.

Selamat Idul Fitri!

Yudi, Jalu, selamat idul fitri, sayangku! Maafkan Ibu yg jauh dari kalian di saat-saat penting untuk keluarga kita....

Yudi sakit

2004-11-10T11:43:00.000-06:00

When
you're
lying
helpless
in
sickness
I wish
to stretch
my wings
and comfort
you
in
my
thoughts.

If only....

Friday performance: awesome!

2004-11-08T10:27:00.000-06:00

Oh well, did I always say that I love performing with my band! Yeah, our band rocks!

We did International Dance, Food and Fashion on Friday evening and it was really good! I did a fashion show. Unbelievable! I am always a tomboy girl and I felt so awkward of walking on the runway like a professional model! Geesss! But the crowd went crazy, probably because most of the my friends, classmates and students were among the crowd and they never saw me that beautiful *narcistic mode ON!*

We performed two medleys of Indonesian traditional songs: Paris Barantai + Ampar-Ampar Pisang and Suwe Ora Jamu + Gundul-Gundul Pacul + Cublak-Cublak Suweng and one Indonesian pop song: Melompat Lebih Tinggi by Sheila on 7. As usual, I always tried to communicate with the crowd *which was a missing point throughout the show, as the MC did not really communicate with the audience and of course in dance performance they merely performed*. I did crazy jumping around with the song, taught the crowd how to say "pisang" *"OK, I'm going to teach you an Indonesian word. Everybody repeat after me 'pisang'!" and the crowd obediently said the word "Good work, you're officially accepted in Indonesian community!"*, and the crowd went mad! :D

After the night was over, I received at least a dozen of congratulations. One guy even asked "are you the girl who was singing? That was cool!" *wadowwwwww...kepala jadi gede!* And people commented on the kain that I was wearing as being exotic and unique. Well, I'm proud to be an Indonesian that night and I will always be!

More on the coverage of the night by Iowa State Daily here.

My son is so cute!

2004-11-07T00:22:00.000-06:00

Yes, you can sense that I'm always a proud mother of my son Jalu! :P

We chatted last night for an hour through webcam and he's so cuteeeeee....He showed me that he knows how to count with his fingers. Smart kid! And he continually said "yes, Ibu *Ibu means Mom*" just like an adult hanging on to conversation. And he showed his favorite face, grinning. Hihihihihi...I love you, Jalu!

This morning, when I called again, he told me "Ibu, I saw you on the computer earlier!" Man...it was awesome feeling that he remembered me. Then he gave the phone to his dad, saying "Ayah, it's Ibu on the phone." He's surely growing up before my eyes.

I miss him terribly!!!!!

Photo session in Central Campus

2004-10-28T17:00:00.000-05:00

OK, I guess I'm not satisfied with my previous pictures for Atta about the landscape of Fall. I think I need to prove that I'm actually experiencing Fall in the US. Also, since I'm leaving the US next year during summer, I will not experience Fall again then next year. So, I decided to take Pam Pearson along to be my personal photographer *thank's Pam!* and took these pictures.

Well, you can call me of being narcistic or whatever......

2004-10-28T16:30:00.000-05:00

In front of Landscape Architecture Building where most of my classmates who are also Teaching Assistants have their offices. The building also houses Intensive English Orientation Program where Barbara Schwarte, PhD, my major professor, is the director.

2004-10-28T16:29:00.000-05:00

Still in front of Landscape Architecture Building